The Cherry on the Poo Sundae

Last night, after dragging through a day of no running water, the tail ends of food poisoning and an allergy attack, I decided to go to bed early. Summer has arrived here in Maputo in full force, and with the heat and humidity still lingering in the air I decided to strip down in hopes of sleeping better. Clothes off, I turned out the bedroom light and made my way to the bed (which really is just a mattress on the floor - unfortuately a proper bed made of wood is still on my wish list).

I lay down on my back, enjoying the slight coolness of the sheets. After a few minutes I started getting hot, so I rolled over on my side. "That's strange," I thought, catching a whiff of something slightly acidic, slightly rotten and slightly sweet all at once. I started snif-sniffing, immediately hit with the suspicion that the boys had sprayed the bed to mark their territory. I smelled the pillow (normal), the part of the sheet that was directly covering me (also normal), then leaned over to to have a sniff at the sheet and blanket piled on the other side of the bed.

As I leaned, I felt something wet touch my boob. "Fuck," I hissed. I just knew they'd pissed in the bed. I honed in on the wet spot and sniffed. Something was definitely there alright, but it wasn't quite cat urine. I hauled myself out of bed and turned on the light to better check it out.

To my absolute horror and disgust, I saw that Pria had left me another message. A large, brown plop of semi-solid cat shit lay smack in the middle of the bed, surrounded by a ring of wetness that led me to believe this present had been delivered several hours earlier. The cat had cleverly covered up the poo with the sheet and covers, thus tricking me into thinking that all was well in the bedroom and that I could climb into bed for a restful night's sleep with no worries.

How supremely gross. I'd just been up close and personal in bed with a pile of cat shit. That wetness I felt on my boob? Yeah, you guessed it. I ran to the bathroom and scrubbed away at my torso with soap and water, which mercifully had come back on just in time for this disaster. After washing up, I changed the sheets, took off our foam matress pad (which thankfully prevented the actual matress/bed from being soiled), cleaned everything up to the best of my abilities and dumped the pile of dirty linens in the washing tank outside.

Yesterday I began my post by saying that my day had gotten off to a bad start, but nothing compared to the revenge poo of weeks before. No, my day didn't start out with cat shit, it just ended that way. What a way to jinx myself.