Pop-Up Recap

Carolyn and I had a great pop-up on Saturday, attended by friends, family, and lots of new faces. Thank you to everyone who came out.

I'm emerging from a period of severe burn-out, and it's a welcome feeling to want to be in that space again, to want to show my work again. I am particularly excited about how the gallery is looking these days. Lots of color and flowers and patterns and texture. And finally the mix of paintings and jewelry is making sense. A final bonus is that Carolyn's jewelry mixes in so well with my paintings, and complements the assortment of wearable pieces that I have in stock as well. Yay all around.

Here are some photos from the beginning of the pop-up, with everything nicely displayed and ready for visitors.

It's a Pop-Up!

Half-Life

I turn 34 tomorrow.

I can't remember my birthday last year or what I did to celebrate it. I mean, I'm sure if I look back at my calendar or photos I can piece it together, but offhand it's a blank.

A lot of last year felt blank honestly. Well, a mix of blank and bouncing between "I feel incredible joy, my life is exactly what I've always wished for," and "I feel unbearable pain and something major in my life must change." Exhausting and deeply confusing, all these opposite feelings.

It had been creeping up on me for a while that a major life inventory was due. Then one day in August, it happened. I was no longer afraid to look inside and name my truths. This unstoppable stream of words and emotions and bravery came out of me, and I shared with the people I love.

It's so refreshing to feel like myself again, to turn on the fuck-it button (ligar o foda-se), to learn about what I want and don't want, to be humble and grateful, and to make sure I am living my life accordingly.

Tomorrow, on my birthday, I will:

- Go swimming at 6:15am at the Plunge (the pool by our house that I had been curious about for ages and finally started going to with a couple of girlfriends to swim laps).

- Find something that seems delicious as a birthday treat and go buy it.

- Have a picnic lunch on our deck with Rico, his mom (who is here and loving life in California), and my mom. Hanging out with the moms is one of my favorite things.

- Then I have therapy in Berkeley, with a woman I recently started going to and totally love. (I had been thinking about going to therapy for the last 7 years. Seven!!! I guess you go when you are ready, and I'm so glad I did.)

- In the evening I will go paint with my painting group. (My 90-year-old friend Manny hosts it at his house, and there are two other local artists who attend regularly, plus guest participation by Rico's mom every once in a while.)

Already my birthday this year has been a good one. Pre-birthday, I guess, but whatever. I feel like it's started. My dad told me the first cranes made it to New Mexico on their fall migration, so the kick-off is official.

I just had solo dance party in my gallery, which was fabulous. And I am working on the sketches for a challenging commission, a geometric ring in sterling silver. The design is two lines zig-zagging through life (around the ring band) that eventually converge and intersect at two points. Beautiful concept, but a nightmare to calculate and draw (although this is just the kind of math + pattern + aesthetics problem I love).

There is some major full-circle synchronicity to these rings, too. In the summer of 1999 I was 17 and fell in love with a boy in Brazil. Very long story short, it ended with me heartbroken and full of self-hate. Although we eventually found closure, this person and that relationship have been riding shotgun in my unconscious for the past 17 years. I just realized this is exactly half my lifetime ago!!

Again long story short, I now find myself making promise rings for him and his girlfriend. Today while sketching yet another version of the design, I had an epiphany about the reasons why this half-life relationship has continued to have such a hold on me. I had a major cry, and then lightness. What a wonderful birthday gift, this moment of self understanding.

Color Balance (yes, I also paint)

The Paradox of the Positive Front

Year one of my creative business was all about projecting a successful image. Call it "fake it 'till you make it", call it the Secret principle...the basic idea is the same: having an optimistic perspective while you bridge the gap between where you start and where you want to end up will lead to a positive outcome. Present yourself as successful, the world sees you as successful, treats you as successful...and hopefully one day your own perception follows suit as a new reality unfolds.

Over the past year I have been asked countless times:

- So, how's it going?
- Have you been busy?
- Are you getting lots of foot traffic?
- How are sales?
- Did you get a lot of people buying for the holidays?

Usually these questions have come from well-intentioned, curious people wanting to be supportive. Regardless of how things were actually going, or how I felt on any given day, the answer would always be the same:

- It's been going really well, thank you. (accompanied by a humble smile)

Sometimes this response felt totally accurate, other times it felt like the ultimate false front. But no matter. I would always answer with the same optimistic vibe of success.

I truly believe that projecting a positive image in year one was critical. Because here's the thing: MANY PEOPLE EXPECTED ME TO ANSWER THAT THINGS WERE NOT GOING WELL. Because it's hard as hell to make it as an artist. Especially when you take on a brick-and-mortar location. In a place with practically no foot traffic. And are only open three days a week. And your pieces are expensive and you are based in a community that's perceived as unable to support nice things. People don't expect you to succeed.

I could see it in their faces. People were ready for me to say that things were not going well. That nobody was coming in my doors. That I wasn't selling anything. That I wasn't enjoying success. That I wouldn't make it through the first year. It was almost funny to observe the surprise in their faces. "Oh really? Ummm, that's great!" And then this strange, subtle transformation as their perception of my business shifted from "just another struggling artist" to "wow, she's making it happen. I want to be part of this."

After a solid year of fake-it-'till-you-make-it, here I am. I had a good first year. I had sales. My guest artists had sales. My business has been a success.

I believe that my positive responses had a direct influence on creating all this. If I'd responded that things were slow, that I wasn't sure how I'd cover my expenses, that I felt discouraged and uncertain, that this was a tough occupation and a tough town to be in...people would have perceived me to be a sinking ship. And who wants to support some debbie downer business that is destined to fail?

But here's the thing: fake-it-'till-you-make-it creates an image of success that leads to actual success...but it can also work behind the scenes to cultivate a rotten sense of fraudulence, insecurity, and insatisfaction within the person faking it. At least that's how it's been for me. Not just here with the jewelry/art stuff, back in Mozambique it was the same thing with our consulting work.

There comes a point when you have to stop fronting and get real. Acknowledge your insecurities and weaknesses and frustrations. Voice your doubts. Truly evaluate how things are going, what is working, what isn't. Start being a little more authentic. If not with everyone who asks you how it's going, at least with yourself. The relentless positivity can quickly become denial if you don't let it fade away at some point.

Creative Business: What Makes Me (Un)Happy

Lately I've been feeling very unhappy about being a jeweler and having the gallery. These growing pains are part of the ride, but it's time for a major adjustment when the thing I love becomes the thing I most want to avoid. Because, you know, I already burned out on one career (see: the archives of this blog between 2006 and 2009) and I'd prefer that not happen again.

The things that make me unhappy are pretty easy to identify:

- Allowing my business side to take over at the expense of my artist side. Focusing too much on numbers and sales and foot traffic, and very especially measuring my success by those metrics.

- Acting like a retail jewelry store. This is not what I want to do, but it is the easiest model to follow and the one that people most readily understand. And the desire to have a flourishing business where others understand what I'm doing, support it, approve of it...I won't lie. It's there.

- Making jewelry that I think will sell, not the pieces my gut/soul/whatever leads me to create. Production work is a tempting mistress. Again, it's what others most easily "get". It's safe and expected/accepted. It's the most lucrative strategy, at least in the short term. But it is the wrong path for me, and that I do know in my gut. Focusing on production work (think wearable, fashionable jewelry collections that are made in multiples) is the fast track to my business mind taking over.

- Living too much in the future. Planning excessively. Scheduling every free moment. Maxing out my productivity.

- Creating a public persona where I don't allow myself to be real, vulnerable, messy, or uncertain. Feeling like I always have to front positivity and be "on" in order to be successful. Here I feel free to tell it like it is. On my www.aliamaro.com blog and newsletter and in the gallery, I don't. There is a major filter in place. I recognize the importance of privacy, of keeping some semblance of separation between business and personal life...but it bothers me that I don't feel okay sharing my authentic self in the spaces where I share my work.

- Feeling overly obligated to others. Man this is a big one. I want to share my opportunities with my fellow artists, and I want to contribute to my community...but there needs to be balance so I'm not consumed up in the process.

So there's the unhappy list, in a nutshell. Now for what makes me happy (it's a much less philosophical list):

- Doing the painting exercise I invented where I color mix for 5 minutes, then apply paint to the canvas for 5 minutes, let dry, and repeat. These loose, colorful, free paintings are my favorite thing right now in terms of studio work.

- Taking photos of textures, patterns, and architecture. Taking portraits.

- Creating compositions with objects. Finding edges that match and angles that meet. Finding balance within asymmetry.

- Playing with color. Putting together unexpected palettes. Organize things according to gradients.

- Doing processes that involve the unknown. Like enameling, where you have no idea what the colors will look like before you apply heat. Or using my jeweler's saw to slice into those dried acrylic paint balls I like so much, revealing a hidden interior.

- Rendering (drawing) jewelry. I think I like it because it's so damn hard and the results are so gratifying. Nothing like a challenge.

- Being a stylist: putting together a great outfit, nailing proportion, mixing patterns, accessorizing.

- Creating something for another person that is incredibly meaningful to them.

- Doing nothing. Hanging out with cats. Being in the sun. Dancing.

- Getting away. Traveling. Exploring. Wandering.

I am going to pin this to my studio wall and make it a priority to look at it, reflect on it, allow myself to say YES to things on the happy list and STOP doing the things on the unhappy list without guilt or anxiety or insecurity. I'm not sure what the result will look like, in terms of what I'll create or where it will lead. And that's part of the exercise.  

2014: First Year of the Gallery

In front of the Point Richmond gallery on our first year anniversary party. Photo by Steve Holloway.

Mon dieu, 2014 was quite the year. I loved it, am grateful for it, but damn in put me through the ringer. Here are some of the more notable experiences and reflections on my first year having the gallery in Point Richmond:

• Launching a brick-and-mortar business in an area with no foot traffic is not for the faint of heart. It really builds character to open your doors and then have nobody walk in, sometimes for days. I knew it would be like that, especially in the beginning (Point Richmond has a wee downtown plaza with some commerce, but sustaining a retail space here is hard), and I created my business model to be compatible with zero foot traffic, but still. No matter how many times I reminded myself that I am not a jewelry store, and that my success is not measured by the number of people who come through the door, it was tough to keep a positive perspective. Many a night I would close the gallery and then go cry into Rico's sympathetic ear. I found it disturbingly easy to slip into a "retailer" mentality, focused on being busy, hoping to get slammed with shoppers, feeling pressure to keep longer hours, offer more, do more-more-more. But I am not a traditional retailer, and I don't want to be a traditional retailer. Therefore much of 2014 was about resisting that impulse, and trying to remind myself (and others!) that it is possible to find success through a different model.
• What is that model? A hybrid of creating custom pieces for clients, selling my own limited-edition jewelry designs in the gallery and online, and selling work from select guest artists in the gallery. About half of my business last year was custom work. The other half was gallery sales, of which one-third was from the guest artists I featured. I find it fascinating to have one full year of numbers to look back on, concrete information that will inform next year's activities.
• Speaking of numbers, I am excited to report that my predictions for 2014 were majorly on point. No big surprises in expenses, and I exceeded my revenue goal by 15%. So there may not be people streaming in the door, but hey, something went right. ;)
• Last year brought many intangible successes that don't show up in my numbers. Like Point to Point Richmond, the community event I helped conceptualize and launch over the summer. Together with a crew of fellow artists and small business owners, we encouraged people to rediscover and reinvent Point Richmond one day each month through collaborations, pop-ups, performances, and spontaneous and creative use of our spaces. It was a grand experiment, completely and totally grassroots, that allowed me to connect into a community of peers and meet many new people. Point to Point was not in my business plan, and I never could have imagined dedicating so much energy to community organizing...but I allowed myself to follow my gut, and I can honestly say it was worth it. Not just as a personally fulfilling experience, but as a great way to get people into my space and talk to them about my work (see bullet point #1 about there being no foot traffic..."event-driven" is what we are!).
• In 2014 I showed work by six guest artists in the gallery, often holding opening receptions on Point to Point days. It was great to be able to show a mix of styles and materials and price points, to showcase local art, and to have my creative friends alongside me in this experience. There were some bumpy times, but I am so proud of the professionalism we all showed, the way we found solutions to whatever wasn't working. In 2015 I look forward to showing more work by guest artists, but with a slightly different format to keep things fresh.
• I am so grateful for the help and support I've received over the past year. My family, Rico, my assistant Marie, my studio mates, my guest artists, my teachers, my clients, our neighbors, and our friends near and far. It has not been an easy one, but I am aware I'm not in this alone, and that anytime I need to talk or cry or celebrate, I have great company by my side.
• My favorite comeback of 2014: "What?? You've been here a year? I've never noticed you! You need to advertise more!" "Oh yes, we have been here for a year. We're a hidden gem, just like Point Richmond." Works every time. People like the fact that our neighborhood is undiscovered and under the radar, and I love using that analogy to open their minds about what my business model is all about.
• Low point of 2014: there was a flea infestation in the gallery. It was horrible and required great discretion and took so much longer to get rid of than I ever though possible. It's all gone now, no more fleas, and I'm at the point where it is really funny to look back on. Hilarious how life throws you a really good curve ball every once in a while, just to make sure you remember you can't control it all.
• Speaking of, I downsized my planner. After three years using a gigantic paper calendar with scheduling in 30-minute increments, I'm now down to a 5x7 weekly view planner with space to write one or two things per day. This is a good limit for me. Getting through school and the first year of my business, it was super helpful to have tight planning and a to-do list on every page. But now, I can relax a little. I have to relax a little. If I can't write it in the little space allotted for the day, I probably shouldn't take it on...
• And so goes the first year. There are a lot of takeaways that I didn't list here, but that's okay. This doesn't have to be exhaustive. It's New Year's Eve, and it's time to celebrate. Rico and I are feeling really exhausted and under the weather, and instead of being out at a party we've elected to stay home and chill. My mom said we're getting old. I say we're getting comfortable. There is a fire in the fireplace, cats and blankets on the lap, and White Collar on Netflix. Here's to a quiet end to an unforgettable and intense year.

Craft and Cats and Point to Point

That's what seems to rule my photo stream these days.

Point to Point Richmond is this Saturday and we have two new pop-up guest artists who will be showing their work (Wei Lah Poh and Tony Esola).

We're also preparing a make-your-own prayer flag activity using hand-dyed samples from my textiles classes stitched to sail cloth, ready for embellishment by participants.

Here's my trusty assistant Marie sewing amid a desk full of CLUTTER.

Thankfully that desk situation is a little more under control this week. When my work environment is clear, my mind can be creative with more ease. The challenge is my process, which involves making a mess, creating different compositions, spreading materials around all over the place. Here's a new series of Mozambique Island shipwreck trade bead necklaces I made recently. I'll be debuting them at the Ali Amaro Gallery for Point to Point.

Maybe one of these guys can help me get a handle on the organizing. After all, they're good with laundry and tablecloths!

Imagens do Dia a Dia

This is what life has looked like over the past three weeks...

 Maybe it doesn't reflect in the photos, but I've been feeling really overwhelmed lately. Like I'm being suffocated by my own momentum, my own relentless organization, my own ambition. It feels very heavy and condensed. Definitely one of those "learning a lot of lessons" periods, where I'm pursuing lots of opportunities and figuring out which ones are worth the hustle and which are not. Like I said in a previous post, it's a lot of work, and I feel exhausted.

Today Rico and I made a spontaneous decision that makes me feel more balanced, less stressed about all that is currently on my plate. I will be joining him for a very, very short holiday in Brazil next month. Rico's mom is having surgery, and he will be in Rio for a bit helping her out with the recovery and logistics of it all.

Initially I was going to stay here, because I have so much going on, but today we found a ticket using miles and I thought fuck it, why not? It gives me something to look forward to, a reason to really get it in gear in terms of studio efficiency (I am working on several custom projects and it will be nice to just knock them out before I leave), a natural deadline by which I need to have certain things finished or off my plate.

The trip is also a welcome reminder that my physical presence is not necessary for the gallery to be open, for my business to move forward, for things to work out. It's okay to take some time off, especially if I am feeling burned out.

Now the hurdle is that I need a visa for the trip to Brazil. Although I'm married to a Brazilian, I'm still on a tourist visa (mine is expired, of course), and the consulate in San Francisco has at least an 8-week turnaround and no available appointments until the day I'm supposed to leave. So clearly that won't work.

Rico and I are currently figuring out how to get an expedited visa when the consulate for your jurisdiction is seemingly incapable of providing one (only Houston and Atlanta emit rush visas, according to the official sources, and you need to be a resident of those jurisdictions to qualify for that service). Looks like there will be a despachante in our future...

In the Ali Amaro Gallery: carved granite sculptures by Martin F. Rickert. They remind me of hedgehogs and pineapples, and I want a trio of them for our porch.

Mano and Nina, enjoying a nap on our messy piano.

A new series of necklaces I made with Mozambique Island trade beads. I love gradients so much.

Rico built us a bed using reclaimed wood from part of our deck that we tore out (and are replacing/expanding). It's beautiful, as are the new master bedroom and bathroom we are enjoying these days.

Wine tasting event a Brock Cellars in Berkeley, together with Tarryn and Bridget from the 4 to 9 Wine Bar (the best neighbor a gallery could ask for)

Friends from Brazil who now live in the Bay Area joined us for the event.

I've been working on a crown design...a lot of things still have to come together before it's made a reality, but I hope it happens. It's a really cool concept, as the crown will be covered with clip-on earrings from my client's nana.

And of course, let's not forget Point to Point Richmond! It's happening again this month, and Marie (my assistant!) and I are busy prepping sail cloth and hand-dyed shibori squares for a prayer flag interactive activity outside the gallery.

What's new in your world these days?

Freeflow thoughts some 6 months after opening the gallery

- I am tired. No surprise there, I knew what I was getting into. But yeah, really tired.

- I often feel like I am faking it 'till I make it, even more so than in Mozambique. I guess I got good at being a self-employed cheerleader!

- Community organizing (Point to Point Richmond) is where I put a giant part of my energy these days, along with old-school marketing. This is a surprise to me, but totally makes sense.

- I think the most effective strategy is one that involves face-to-face connections, visiting and getting to know your neighbors, doing outreach, creating a reason for people to visit, using the phone, writing a thank you letter, helping carry furniture, giving advice for free, hearing people's stories.

- Sometimes I feel reckless and irresponsible for spending so much money on my business. I am able to think of it as 'investment' and I know it's a necessary part, but it's scary nonetheless.

- Money is something I think about a lot, but it's not my main driver. I don't hope for sales, I hope for relationships.

- I cry a lot. While watching America's Got Talent, at Visa commercials, at dinner with Rico, while looking at photos. Art school brought out my feelings big time, and apparently that level of sensitivity is here to stay.

- I constantly worry about not being organized enough, not being prepared enough, not being on top of it, whatever 'it' is...even though I realize I'm one of the most organized and prepared and on top of it people I know.

- Often I don't know what to do, but my to-do list is always a mile long.

- Just buckling down and getting to work, no matter what the task, is a certain recipe for alleviating anxiety.

- I need a vacation every 6 weeks seemingly.

- I track certain things every week in my hyper-organized paper planner. I find it soothing to mark the days I exercise with a circle and the days I make it to studio with an X. I keep a weekly tally and have specific goals.

- It seems to me that no matter what the craziness at hand, if I make it to the studio 4x a week and exercise 4x a week, everything will turn out okay.

- The main thing, really, is exercise. I recently had to go two weeks without a lot of movement and it was the pits.

- There's definitely an image/appearance that comes along with the gallery. I have three "public" days per week (Thurs-Sat) and I feel it's important to dress up, wear my own jewelry, and look the part.

- Sometimes people do judge a book by its cover. Being nicely dressed with fancy jewelry definitely influences how seriously people take the gallery. It sure seems that way, at least.

- My best allies are my family, my husband, and the group of people I was in school with who I now call colleagues.

- I totally under-appreciated how much I'd come to depend on people I was in school with. They are my peers, my friends, my support system, my contract labor, my inspiration, and my motivation.

- I also really appreciate the friendships I have that are not work related at all. They are few and far between!

- There's a lot of gray area in my life (family businesses, my own business with friends, etc.) and it can be really hard to navigate.

- Not walking on eggshells is key. You just gotta say it like you feel it, and ideally as soon as possible. There is no easy way to navigate all the gray, but keeping stuff in and cultivating resentment is definitely not the answer.

- Still, it's really hard to be emotionally authentic and filter-less.

- Things are going really well, I think, but it's hard to have perspective. Sometimes it feels like failure cubed. And other times it feels like I am on the top of the world. Let's see how I feel at one year. :)

July Point to Point Richmond Recap

Thanks to everyone who came to this month's Point to Point Richmond. We had a triple lineup at the Ali Amaro Gallery and Design Studio: we celebrated jewelry by pop-up guest artist Alyse Lattanzio, enjoyed colorful face paint masterpieces by Brandy Esparza of Painted Wonderland, and jammed to live acoustic music by the Blue Ribbon Healers.

Helping create a hub along our block, 39 Washington Emporium of Cool Stuff brought out some funky vintage treasures, plus Richard's one-of-a-kind art car. I got to sit in it and pose for some photos, which was very cool. Across the street Steve had guest artists and clocks galore, and the new furniture and jewelry shop Maison d'Etre opened their doors for a sneak peak.

My one regret is that I wasn't able to make the rounds this time and check out what my creative neighbors and friends were doing around town. A tree limb fell on my car halfway through the event, leaving me and Alyse to hold down the fort at the gallery while Rico took care of that little situation. Amazingly there was no damage to my car. Thanks, universe! It was a fun and memorable day!