The Routine

I've been feeling a bit down these last couple of days. Nothing serious, no tears have been shed (yet), but I just can't shake this sense of being mildly depressed, wallowy and blah.

I am having tremendous problems getting motivated to finish up this project that is due on Monday. Granted, it's about the transport sector in Mozambique - a subject that in and of itself doesn't get me particularly revved up - but I just can't seem to write anything coherent for the final version of the business plan. In addition to my procrastination, I am frustrated with this project for multiple reasons and I simply want it to be over. Done. I don't want to invest any more of my time and energy. Instead it's here looming over me, and the longer I put off my work the worse I feel. What a sad cycle.

All I want to do these days is make jewelry. I've already stated to Ricardo on at least 3 separate occasions that I was all out of materials. After each of those declarations, I managed to make a slew of new necklaces and earrings - and not just any old junk, things I genuinely like and am having a terribly hard time putting up for sale. Necessity truly is the mother of invention and I have been quite the creative girl, learning how to fashion my own silver clasps out of wire after the store-bought ones ran out, using new and different combinations of beads, scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of innovation and inspiration. But now I am *really* out of materials. No tiger tail stringing wire, no silver wire to make clasps and ear hooks, no pretty beads at all. The one thing that was getting me through each day here in relatively good spirits has run dry and I don't really know what to do with myself.

I suppose I could revisit the scarf I'm knitting, or draw some pictures. I could paint another wall in the living room. I could start writing the book I have in my head. I could do a million and one things but I just don't feel like it. Blah, blah, blah!

Today I am making myself go out of the house to have a manicure and pedicure. Having nice nails always lifts my spirits, and the walk down to the nail spa is actually quite lovely. It's about .5 miles down a street called Frederich Engels that is lined with acacia trees and is home to some of the most posh mansions in all of Maputo. It's also along the edge of the cliff that drops off into the Indian Ocean, so every once in a while there is a stellar view of the water inbetween the big houses. I must leave in about 15 minutes.

I'm still meditating in the mornings, and find increasingly that the early morning hours are the part of the day that I most look forward to. I have a cup of tea, the cats want to be cuddled, I sit on the balcony and breathe and watch the world go by on the street below. I feel connected and at peace in the relative stillness of that hour. Then the day heats up, I go about my work (or avoidance thereof), read blogs and write a bit in my own, and count the hours until it is time to go to bed again. Fundamentally I like the routine I've got going, but there is something more than a bit terrifying about the monotonous, predictable nature of my days.