This was the day before the darkest day of my life. I think a part of me knew it was coming.
I shivered in the late afternoon breeze and watched as my shadow shrunk down the wall of the sun-soaked verandah. The angle of the winter light as it spilled through the columns and onto the pink wall made me look as small as I felt.
In this moment I wanted to take a picture but couldn't bring myself to do a self-portrait. I knew that if I looked into my own eyes I would be forced to be honest about the situation and the effect it was having on me. I was afraid to confront the hurt I knew I would see. So I took a picture of my shadow instead.
The next day my world turned upside-down through no fault but my own. Had somebody handed me a camera, I don't think I would have been capable of photographing my own shadow, much less my face or eyes. On that day I believed I had fallen from grace.
Now, nearly 3 years later, I am ready to revisit my winter shadow and the days that followed. I am ready to write about what was in my heart and would have been reflected in my eyes. I am ready to tell my story, not because I have anything to prove, but because I know that in telling it I will find peace.
I hope you find yours, too.
5 comments:
I know I always say this, but you really are a fantastic writer and a brave one too. There is such honesty in your posts.
You seem to be writing a lot about your past these days. Is it intentional or just what is in your thoughts at the time?
That's a lovely photo and touching post. Am looking forward to reading more!
Safiya -
You're right, I have been writing a lot about my past these days. Part of it is prompted by the topics over at Sunday Scribblings. But I am also writing about my past for very specific reasons.
I have decided to finally write the novels that are swimming in my head. So far there are 3 separate books, each one about a critical turning point in my life. For the first time ever I have found the courage and the calling to start writing about what happened in each of those times.
I guess this is practice for the books, helping me form my ideas and remember details, a way to see how it all fits together and how I want to tell my stories.
It is also how I can ensure that I will heal and move forward from the hard parts of those experiences, and how I can also remember the beautiful parts and keep them close to me as I go about my life.
I'm glad you are reading!
I love how you not only express yourself in words but photos, too. A powerful combination, an intriguing post. I hope to hear more.
Beautiful post! Can't wait to read more in future posts :)
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