Calm in the Midst of the Storm

All is well in kitten land tonight. We just took Parceiro to the vet for his final antibiotics shot and I am happy to report that he is not only alive and kicking, he is pooping out blood-free poo like a champ! I am so relieved. Thank you all for your good thoughts, both for little Parceiro and for his slightly panicked momma.

This comes as a bit of soothing news in the midst of an otherwise tempestuous day. For several months now we have been dealing with a really nasty power dispute that has cropped up in our business. There have been highs and lows in terms of the struggle, but in general it has really taken a toll on all of us - especially Ricardo. Today was full of accusations and uncontrolled egos, very unpleasant but hopefully for the best in that I think we have come to a breaking point. The options for us moving forward are clear. The time to make a decision is upon us, because working under these conditions is no longer feasible.

Having a business together with other people is tremendously difficult. It encompasses the best and the worst of any relationship, but has the added obstacle that money is at the heart of it all. You simply can't have a successful business based on love or common interests or faith alone. There is always the bottom line, always the chance for someone feeling cheated, always the chance for the ego to get in the way of progress because of a Title or a Salary or a Dividend.

I am feeling especially sad today because of the state our business is in. Mournful, I suppose, is a more accurate word. I am touched by the death of an idea, of a partnership that started off with nothing but the best intentions and has ended with bitter words and spite. The worst part is that this nasty end is not because the business is bankrupt or because there has been no success. Much to the contrary - the business has a good track record and a very respected name with our clients and our colleagues.

The end of the partnership, rather, is due to the EGO and the paralyzing grip it can have on even the most mature, evolved person. Once the ego takes control, it is horribly difficult to turn back. Pride steps in, along with envy and resentment, and together they cloud the judgement to the point that a peaceful and fair solution is no longer imaginable. The only thing left to do is to fight it out until all available energy is drained, all possible solutions are shot down, and the dream of a successful business is left as it started - an abstract idea, lifeless without the people to make it happen.

The hardest part for me is that I am technically not a shareholder in the business, although I am without a doubt an integral part of its existance and success. I sit and watch everything unfold somewhat from the sidelines. It all affects me, without a doubt. I am overwhelmed some days by waves of uncertainty about my professional life, about whether or not my salary will come next month, about whether I should be prudent and start putting together a Plan B. For now, I still believe in the idea of this business. I believe that once this power dispute is behind us it will be possible for a new incarnation of the business to rise up, phoenix-like, and continue on from where the last one imploded.

For now, however, I have to sit still and watch it all unfold. As much as I might desperately want to offer some feminine wisdom and heal the wounds that are tearing apart the business, I can't. I can't fix it and I can't expedite a solution and I can't ease the tempers that flare out of control. What I can do, though, is continue to do my work. I can also offer my strength and compassion to Ricardo as my partner, both in business and in life. Throughout this whole ordeal, even though he is at the heart of it, I must say that I admire greatly the way he has handled himself.