Sometimes I wonder if the persistent cynicism I feel is a sign that my time here in Mozambique should be up. I've dealt with mild pessimism and the notion that my efforts and those of people around me are mostly futile since about my 3rd month in Africa. I think a good dose of cynicism is actually good when you are doing development-type work. It keeps your feet on the ground and helps you from coming down with too much of an I-can-save-the-world complex. However the kind of cynicism I'm experiencing right now is much beyond this healthy dose.
It reminds me of my last months of work directing an HIV prevention program at an NGO back in Austin. My ability to see a positive trend in our efforts had completely disappeared. I was burned out, unmotivated and consumed by the feeling that all of those billions of dollars spent on health education and risk reduction were in vain. The solution seemed relatively simple - get people to use a condom, get people to not share needles, encourage people to get tested, help people to create viable alternatives to selling their bodies for sex, decrease the shame surrounding homosexuality so that men aren't compelled to have anonymous sex through a hole in a bathroom stall, help people start talking about these issues instead of ignoring them and assuming they aren't at risk.
And yet, despite all of the organizations staffed with competent people, despite all of the money and awareness campaigns and celebrity messages, the number of new infections in the US has been steady for the last 10 years at 40,000 new HIV cases per year. I began to realize it was a complex and ultimately uphill battle. In the end, I found it hard to see past the larger statistics and knew it was time for me to move on.
I feel the same way about the situation in Mozambique, and by extension much of Africa. The problems here are also hugely complex - absolute poverty, corruption, disease, famine, lack of education, gender inequalities - yet you'd think with the billions and billions of dollars being thrown at this place, there might be some positive trends by now. I suppose there are when you look at isolated cases - Mozal is a successful aluminium smelter that accounts for a large part of the country's GDP, there have been several interesting microcredit initiatives aimed at providing credit to the poor, the cashew industry is slowly recovering and might regain the pre-independence production levels in a few years. There are also some donor programs that have met their objectives and look quite good on paper or through a quick site visit.
The problem with these success stories, however, is two-fold. On the one hand I don't see these initiatives will be sustainable in the long-run. They are up and running now because there is some foreigner behind the efforts, be it a donor organization, a multi-national company or an individual investor. The impulse to move forward is not coming from Mozambicans for the most part, although most of these programs do involve some sort of training scheme whereby ownership will be transferred to locals after a few years' time.
The second problem is highlighteed by the question "Who is really benefiting from these initiatives?" The more time I spend here and the more experience I have with different projects and programs, the more I believe that the ultimate beneficiaries of development in Mozambique are foreigners and foreign companies. I do understand the "trickle-down" effect, whereby the local population benefits from private-sector economic development. I can see how a factory worker or a miner or a smallscale farmer can earn $100 more per year because of some of these initiatives. However, who is really getting the good deal? I'd argue it's the owner of the cashew processing plant, the multi-national mining company behind Mozal, or even the director of the NGO that is ostensibly "helping people" yet earning a $10,000 per month salary, living in a cushy condominium protected by electric fencing, driving a brand new Land Cruiser and making plans for his next posting in 2 years' time.
The more I really examine my own work here, I realize that my efforts have led to the same conclusions - foreigners getting the overwhelming benefits of development efforts. In the tea factory, the owners are all foreigners. Yes, there is an outgrower scheme to support local farmers, and yes there will be macro-economic benefits for Mozambique, but the real people that will benefit are the company owners. I think about the cotton ginnery we've just received funding for. Same story. The timber project we've got in the works is also the same, with the investors standing to make millions and millions of dollars if the venture is successful.
I understand that the basic idea of private sector development is that the investors should get a return on the money they've put in, that this provides the incentive for efficient and sustainable growth that will in turn lead to progress in the country. I get this, and despite all of the problems, I still do believe that private sector development is the "least bad" solution at this time. All of the others - socialism, state subsidies, donor support from the international community - lead to a cycle of dependence that, in my opinion, undermines any chance of Mozambicans embracing a spirit of sustainable entrepreneurship and development on their own terms. As long as there are handouts with no strings attached other than those that satisfy outsiders' terms and conditions, I am convinced that the problems will go on.
And yet I also firmly believe that the current path we are on will not lead to a positive future for Mozambique. I imagine the country in 10, 20, 30 year's time and see the same inequalities, the same poverty, the same preventable illnesses and lack of education. The only difference is that I see most of the land being owned by foreigners, most of the population working in association with some foreign-owned project or company, and most of the revenues being somehow channeled outside the country. I look at all this and begin to understand how neo-colonialism is a frighteningly real trend in Mozambique...
The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that I do not have a role to play in the development of this country if I truly believe that the driving impulse of economic growth should come from and ultimately benefit Mozambicans. I am just another player in the game, inadvertently contributing to the same end I so love to criticize.
26 comments:
Ali, unfortunately we need to choose the least bad option way to often. But it is always better than the second of third option on the list.
I can see your points, but which are the alternatives? Are there any? Any that you could get involved in?
~Alina - That's just the thing...I don't really see any good alternatives. For me the best alternative and, in the end, the only thing I can do is to help one person at a time.
I have a friend named Maria that makes her own clothes. She wants to develop her business, so I am giving her some advice and orientation. Maybe she will look back and say that I helped her. Maybe not. But the important thing is that she came to me for help, of her own will, after already having started a business by herself that she cares about and will make sustainable.
This is what is missing in so many other initiatives - local ownership and someone that, at the end of the day, actually cares to put in the effort to make it work.
I agree with you on all of it...how does the local community find the resources to do it? The northeast of brasil is the same. There are 1,000 NGO's in Recife, but there still aren't any jobs. Have you read about the Nobel Peace prize winner for 2006 and the bank that he founded(Bangladesh)?
The real reason I am writing...Have you heard K'naan? He is a hip hop artist from Somalia based in Toronto now...really inspiring interesting beats with a strong message about what is happening in Africa. I think you will love it!
This post is very powerful, Ali...I am thinking deeply on all I have read here this morning. I understand a bit of what you express about burn-out and frustration with an inability to "see a positive trend in our efforts". I experience this on a smaller-scale day-to-day with my teaching in a community-colllege in a rough urban environment. I am taking a break for my health next semester, but it is also to hope for a re-inspiration in my teaching. Thanks for this post.
--D.--
~Catron - I do know of the recipient of the Nobel Prize. He founded the Grameen Bank and enjoyed remarkable success despite the fact that everyone around him said the bank would fail because the destitute recipients of the loans would never pay them back. Well, the critics were wrong and Grameen Bank has been such a sound model it's been replicated in poor communities throughout the world. I remember this example as one of the clear success stories in the development struggle. In my opinion it was successful because it had someone who understood the community and its needs and desires backing the whole thing. It came from the bottom up, not the other way around. It was not a microfinance program imposed by the outside world...
I've not heard of K'naan. I'll definitely have to check him out. Where can I find his music online?
~Left-Handed Trees - My dad and I talk a lot about the paralells between my experience here and his as a teacher for students that are recipients of welfare in New Mexico...
I hope your semester off provides you with the rest you need and that your spirits are renewed for more teaching in that community if it is the way you choose to go.
Ali, this is so interesting to see your insider view here. So valuable.
"All of the others - socialism, state subsidies, donor support from the international community - lead to a cycle of dependence that, in my opinion, undermines any chance of Mozambicans embracing a spirit of sustainable entrepreneurship and development on their own terms"--
I so believe you are right! I also got burn out working with the needy populations I did in child welfare. And I grew up in that system, so I really understand how what you say above is true SO MUCH of the time. Learned helplessness is crippling to a society. And so often the intention to "help" teaches it in a deeply ingrained way. Then it is hard to help people into a new way of doing things, and thinking.
I often get into little debates on the blogs with people who think I am too conservative, because I question-- I think realistically-- the idea of... I don't know. I guess looking clearly at HOW we "help" a problem. I not conservative.(Pft!)But I have learned that we have to take our soft hearts out of issues in order to see what really works, and if it isn't working, change it to something that might!
You speak of deep issues that can not be easily fixed. The whole nation has been in such trouble for so long, that the people need to change an intire way of being in order to fix it. They need the help of the outside, but in order to really change, they need inside leaders to come forward and take it up and inspire the people... *sigh* I see it is the same in Iraq. I fear that more and more people will die, until this happens. And I fear it never will happen, because the problems are so ingrained and so deep and complicated. We can't force betterment on another society, no matter how much our hearts are in the right place. It happens so slowly, and so we must ask is it worth the slow pace? In Africa, in Iraq, or in the needy population here in the States...When is it time to try something new?
I think you must (and any of us wanting to change things), we must be like Mother Theresa. We must be satisfied with small things, one person at a time. We must have faith that we plant seeds! YOU are planting seeds of hope. You don't have to do it forever, but know that what you have done may just be far reaching for someone. What you have done has changed the world, for SOMEONE. Your life has changed the world. ;)
:)
In a discussion on world poverty two books were mentioned. Have you ever read Jared Diamond's Guns, Germs, and Steel, or his other book Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed? I have not read either of these books and yet they were recommended… Having just completed a class in globalization and world policy I have a greater understanding of what you are saying with regard to how they system is set up. On a personal level, only you know if your time there is complete. While it must be difficult at times to see the bright side, try not to forget that your work has not been in vain. I can only imagine the ways in which you have touched the lives of others simply by being you. I admire you. For while I am reading about the world you have been traveling it…
I felt that in my profession, often asking myself what the hell I was doing there. I loved it, but wondered what difference could I possibly make. Then I got a letter from a girl who had been my pupil about 2 years before, telling me how much I had helped her just by my way of being in the classroom. The most amazing thing is that I really didn't have such a close relationship with that girl, she was quite shy. It brought tears tears to my eyes, and it still does today.
You DO make a difference, Ali.
If you're able to help even just one person, you're already making it :)
I like Jared Diamond's theses but I don't understand why the books got so much acclaim when it's the basic (old school) geography theory expounded upon in every Sociology class around the world. My sociology prof was spouting that crap when I went to college in the late 90s and he told us it was a big deal theory back in the 60s and early 70s.
I think social science theories are like fashion-you let them lie dormant for 20 years, then dig 'em up and everyone thinks they're genius again (like skinny jeans).
Aside from that, I also find the structure of his books to be embarrasingly term paper like.
The truth of the matter is that you can’t change anybody else; you can only change yourself -- if you want to -- and then in your interactions with others, that is the world.
Most of the “conservatives,” used to be “liberals,” before realizing that maybe we were perpetuating the problems, exploiting the problem so we could be the saviors for other people -- even while we could not save ourselves -- and that is what made us go into social work in the first place -- this notion that we were doing something noble for others, rather than acting out of our own confusion.
We should all begin as well-intentioned people but who mature in time to realize that the greatest favor we can do for the world is being a living example of a happy, healthy person -- and not one tormented by their own guilt and sense of obligation to be “politically correct.” Then you can be what you really are -- which is the greatest service you can give to the world, rather than the tortured individual trying to do what she thinks she ought to do -- for the sake of others..
So many people have sacrificed themselves in that way -- and then hold the rest of humanity indebted to them in that irrepayable obligation for the rest of their lives -- as though it was other people’s idea that they should sacrifice themselves in that way. The world no longer requires sacrifices to the gods in that way.
I think the healthy life of these times should re-create themselves in every generation of roughly twenty years -- that is, become a completely different person, discovering life all over again as though you were just born. That is the lesson of Christianity and the other great religions -- the dying to the old and being reborn in the new, and that is what gives you new life.
The people who just live their one life over each day all their lives, are the living dead -- with no possibility of being resurrected at a higher level. Your best indicator of future success is your present succes, and your past success -- so you should not be afraid to let go of your old life, and be reborn to the new.
That is the real meaning of the season -- of Christmas.
I think you're the only person who can decide whether you feel that you can / should / want to continue your efforts in Mozambique...after reading your blog for several months now, I know that you will weigh your options and the situation with the same thoughtfulness, care, and consideration as you display in so many different things. And your family and friends (and blogging friends) will support you and admire you exactly the same as we do now, if you choose to direct your considerable talents and efforts elsewhere.
I will say that I think it is remarkable for someone to be able to see the situation as clearly as you do -- that kind of objectivity and clarity and self-awareness is very rare and extremely valuable.
Good luck with your pondering and musing of this situation. I will be very eager to read what you decide to do in both the short and longer terms.
"This is what is missing in so many other initiatives - local ownership and someone that, at the end of the day, actually cares to put in the effort to make it work."
You care Ali. You still care. Maybe that's why it's not time for you to leave yet.
~Amber - Thank you for such a thoughtful response. I do believe that if one person looks back and feels that I changed their life for the better, than I will evaluate my experience here as having made a positive impact. More than anything it's made an impact on me... I also appreciate your insider's perspective from the system in the US. I said in another comment that my dad and I often talk of how his experience with welfare beneficiaries parallels mine with the aid recipients here in Moz. It's so interesting to hear what you have to say on this...
~Kristine - Thank you! I'm glad that you've enjoyed reading about my travels. Despite these big issues I'm weighing, I've enjoyed living them out. I've not read either of those books, though I've had them recommended to me several times. They're on the list. Thanks for your support. I think my time is up in the development work arena for sure...although I do also think I"ll be here for some time yet, just in a completely different capacity.
~Alforge - What a great story! I imagine you are a really good teacher. Maybe one day I'll find out who it was that I actually impacted here... Thanks for your support, amiga.
~Monkey - Now I'm even more interested in reading his books. I agree that social theories are regurgitated every few decades, then passed off as the next revolutionary concept. I'll let you know what I think once I get my hands on these books.
~Mike - I love this message. Really. I love the idea that my impulse to reinvent myself right now is actually part of a healthy cycle of learning, growing, not settling for the regular life. This has been an especially great message to receive right now because I'm woefully lacking in Christmas spirit. Something about the fact that I'm in the tropics and it's hot and sunny outside...although I imagine you're experiencing similar conditions where you are, too. :) Thank you for your always wise advice!
~Telfair - Thank you, thank you, thank you. I guess when I said "my time here should be up" I meant it in more of a professional sense - my time in Mozambique as a development consultant. I'd actually like to stay here longer, and plan to do so, so that I can really get a feel for the country, do some traveling, enjoy my newfound friends, and develop my idea for the next chapter in my life. I am going for a big reinvention. I'll keep you posted. And I am confident I'll know when it's time to physically leave here...I'll keep you posted on my plans, my friend.
~Safiya - I am flattered by your faith in me. :) The thing is, I honestly don't think I care anymore. I question whether I did in the first place. I've learned a lot about myself here, including the fact that I'm not the teacher/healer/nurturer type. I don't fundamentally care what happens in these projects, and that's why I know it's not the right thing for me to be working in. I'm good at designing proposals and business plans, I'm good at fundraising, I'm good at setting everything up for success, but I'm not the person to follow up and ensure it. I know it sounds a bit cold hearted to say that I don't care what happens, but if I'm totally honest with myself it's true. I want things to work out for the best, but I'm not dedicated like other people in this field. I think a reinvention is in order. I want to find something that I *am* passionate about, that I *do* care enough about to put in the hard work and follow through. Thank you again, though, for your faith in me - maybe I care more than I realize, but I know this isn't the thing for me anymore. :) Even so, I'll still be around here for a while yet. I think the real difference I can make here is in the example of how I choose to live my life - following my heart and dreams - and that is still a work in progress.
Ali,
Your last comment made me think about a book by Caroline Myss, "Sacred Contracts". In it she take Jungs idea of personality Archetypes, and takes it a bit deeper in a spiritual way. (You know those archetype cards I use in posts sometimes? Those are hers?)
Anyway, it seems clear to me that you rae just finding more about your true self, your true "contract" with the world, if you will. The word does need healers, But the world aslso needs movers-and-shakers! The people who set things up, who plan an dput together. I thought of your words you used here, because I remember reading a description of that being a type of archetype, EXACTLY... That's you! I can't remember just what it was... You should get that book! I bet you would find it really interesting.
I think you are right on tract in your life. You have done amazing things for ANYone, let alone someone your age. Your self-awarness is impressive, too.
:)
Actually, it's not as bad in Hawaii as it is in Mozambique -- because we're 20 degrees N and you're degrees S, so you're having your summer while we're enjoying winter.
My feeling is that 80 degrees F. is the optimal operating temperature for human beings, and during the months from December through April the weather here varies 5 degrees around that optimal, with possibly November and May being bonus good months. In the summer months, or roughly the other half of the year, the temperatures bump up 5 degrees on average, with the range going the 5 degrees up to 90 degrees, which seems hot out here but even 85 is beyond the optimal comfort zone for most.
Many times when I hear you recount your many illnesses and afflictions, my impulse is to suspect that you're suffering from heat exhaustion -- or not being in the ideal climate for yourself, which would probably be the west coast of the US, which from San Diego to Vancouver, Canada, is pretty much the same.
When I used to have people recount their tales of being in places like Africa with the Peace Corps, I heard some tell of spending their entire day or as much as possible, lying on the floor of their hut just trying to survive the heat of the day.
The closest I've come to that experience has been the summers in the Midwest of the US -- when the temperatures can go over 100. When there is that prolonged heat, the body is stressed out -- with no possibility of relief and recovery -- and no wonder the health is vulnerable to countless afflictions.
Hi Ali
I have been reading your Blog with much interest. I am a South African who finds himself working in the UK right now as a high value Fundraiser for a Charity that does a lot of work in the North of Mozambique up towards Nampula. We provide NGO's with access to remote parts of the country through the use of light aircraft.
Personally I have travelled to Mozambique on a few occassions and can identify with the issues and frustrations you have raised. I believe that you can only help one person at a time, and if enough of us care to do so, then we should start to make a difference.
I am also impressed to read that you are working a fundraiser based in Moz. I have been looking to get back to Africa for sometime now, but wasnt aware that opportunities existed for FRaising in country. I would be grateful if you could let me know a little more about who you approach and the structure of your organisation. It sounds fascinating.
Thanks for the Blog and keep well.
Regards Mac
hey ali, you raise some really great points here, and it's so interesting to hear your perspective on the situation there. i hope you are able to find some source to replenish your hope sometime soon...in the meantime, hopefully most of us are just trying to make a small difference in our little corner of the world...
Really excellent points, Ali - but we have to work with the way things are to try to change them the way they should be. A healthy dose of cynicism is to be expected. It is frustrating to work within the confines you are and not see enough positive results. But change, particularly in the developing world is slow. And there is change and you're doing your part to help - and that should count for something. Ultimately you may choose another career path, especially as you love creating jewelry so much. But for now, try to find some solace in the fact that you're helping make a difference - in an area where even a small difference matters!
ali-
menina!!! you need re-fueling!!! get out of the city. go somewhere really green (or really air-conditioned). clear your mind. talk to some people who aren't in the NGO business...
i also deal with this on a pretty regular basis...my only cure for cynicism is the very people who spark my cynicsim! hanging out with the kids in a non "work" type way, when we're just talking and philosophising and so forth, helps me get grounded, remember that the work we're doing is good and useful and changes lives, even if it doesn't change the world or Brazilian society in a really amazing-wow-Nobel prize-winning kind of way! and that it's what i'm good at...and usually, we should do what we're good at. because that's the work that will be fulfilling for us.
your heart for africa spills out all over your blog entries...it's a beautiful thing!
Hey, Ali! just dropped by to say hi. Hope everything is great with you :)
~Amber - I do know the cards you are referring to. I'd love to learn more about them as the only info I have is from your blog posts. Sounds really interesting - thanks.
~Mike - The heat here is certainly oppressive in the summer, the humidity being the worst thing. I'd never thought about a correlation between allergies and weather, although it certainly makes sense that being constantly overheated and uncomfortable would take a toll on one's health. One thing is for sure - as much as heat is difficult, I really prefer it to cold weather. I am miserable in anything below 60 degrees!
~Mac - Sounds like you are involved in some really interesting work. As for the fundraising, it is one of the greatest needs here in Mozambique and I'd venture to say the same for other countries in Africa. There are loads of NGOs and international cooperation programs, but work with the private sector is just getting off the ground. The main organizations here involved in private sector development are the IFC and an NGO called TechnoServe. Both need fundraisers on a regular basis to support the projects they work with.
As for our involvement, it was through a private company that a few friends of mine established a couple of years ago. To our knowledge, we were the only organization in Mozambique dedicated to fundraising.
It is a huge gap in the market, but one that is tricky to fill at this point. It is especially difficult to obtain funds for agricultural projects - a shame because it is an area in which MZ has tremendous potential. The country is not yet ready for traditional venture capital, but cannot rely solely on donor support for development (in my opinion).
However, we have been able to successfully raise funds for projects through commercial banks and some specific grant programs to support private sector development. It's a slow process - at least 6 to 9 months for a funding decision - and it's hard to get people away from the "free lunch" mentality.
Drop me an e-mail if you are interested in further details or if you plan to come to MZ at any point. Thanks for commenting, and best of luck in your work.
~Ruby - That's the only way it will work - small differences with one person at a time in the part of the world that each of us understands...
~Paris Parfait - Thanks for the support. I am having a hard time seeing past the cynicism at the moment. I am seriously considering a career change...I'm sure you all will get sick of hearing about it over the next few months as I weigh my options. :)
~Jenna - I *do* need re-fueling! Hopefully the road trip Ricardo and I will take to South Africa over the holidays will do the trick. Even so, I seriously question whether this is the right kind of work for me. At least you see a tangible difference with the work you do in Rio. You know all the street kids, you live in the favela and share their lifestyle to a large part, you are actually making a difference and working to change the problems you see one person at a time. I fail to see the parallel with my work here. I'm not on the ground with the farmers or workers that our projects benefit. Although I don't live a typical expat lifestyle, I'm not in a village either. I live a comfortable life in a flat in the city. I think to make the difference we are talking about I'd need to integrate much deeper into the communities where the true problems lie in Mozambique...and while it is a noble idea to give my life to serving God and the poor as you have...I just don't think I have what it takes. I don't feel my calling is in this area. I am thankful that there are people like you out there fighting this fight that *do* feel called to serve in this manner. I'm rambling, but I hope you get what I'm trying to say. :)
Hi Ali
Hope the weather is a little cooler for you today and thanks for the info regarding fundraising. I have had a look at Technoserve and IFCs websites and they look like they have some quite marketable projects. I think I have actually heard about the Cashew nut farm in Nampula Province. In fact, the last time I visited MZ I think I sat next to one of the chaps who was going to help with its expansion.
Anyway being a little more specific, I just wondered if the organisations you were appealing to for funding were Moz based or international? Currently, most of my donors are in the UK. However, one of the biggest challenges we face is that as our work is primarily in Africa, we are rather devorced from our "front line". Ideally, it would be great to be able to appeal direct from the field. I would imagine though, you would need to have a warm source of funders available to you who you can put select projects too.
Without taking too much of your blog space, I thought I would mention that I might be back in Moz next year and hopefully I can get some more info from you on the current situation closer to the time.
Keep up the good work and have a great break in SA. Going anywhere nice. Durbs, Cpt?
~Alina - Thanks, girl. I've been away from writing and blog-reading this week but should be back on top of things soon. Hope you are having a good week, too.
~Mac - We work with a mix of local and international funding organizations. Most debt financing comes locally, either through Mozambican commercial banks or the local country offices of international development banks. Grant funding is both local and international, with main sources being the US and the EU.
It certainly helps to have a presence on the ground where the projects are that you are trying to raise money for. I honestly don't feel like there is enough hand-holding and follow-up done even with the projects that are here and have the support of local staff and fundraisers. It's a very complicated process...
As for our trip, we are driving from Joburg to Cape Town. New Years will be spent at the Cape and I can't wait!
Let me know if you make it to MZ. Have a good week. :)
Wow, Ali, loads of comments and dialogue. So many good and interesting points. Ultimately, you will find your path. Cynicism is a natural response in a field frought with challenges. We all get that "drop in the bucket" feeling ... but a drop is better than none. Much peace and wishes for a light shining on your path, whatever that may be ... JP
Hey Ali
Good to hear back from you and to read your interesting points regarding funding. I will let you know when I am next in MZ and perhaps we can chat some more.
Just thought I would also mention that whilst you are in Cpt, make sure you stop in at Bead Merchants of Africa. They are a wholesale bead stockist and I am told that you can get some great supplies there -not sure about the prices though. They are in long street in the centre of town. Apparently there is a wholesaler and retailer 100m apart. Go to the holesaler for the best deals. You can also order a CD catalog off the nett. - Hope its of use.
Anyways, have a great time, keep the chin up, recharge the batteries and have a really fab Christmas.
Chow for now.
MAC
Ali,
You obiously have a desire to really do some good in the world. Remember that sometimes your destination isn't what you thought it would be at all. Maybe the time in Mozambique will lead to something else. I worked as a doctor for a summer in Western Africa and found many of the issues that you outline very troubling as well. Nevertheless, if you have the will to do some good, it will somehow come out. Finally, what if everyone was "taking taking taking" rather than here and there trying to "give back?" The world will never be an equitable place but all we can do is try in our own little way. Mabye, somewhere and somehow, we will do some good! The desire to do so definitely brings a positive energy to your endeavors.
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