Meme was originally the 7 random facts about yourself, but creative Ms. Outlines modified it and passed this along instead.
I have many secret fears (though I suppose they're not so secret if I'm able to talk about them, which I am). I don't think I could name just one. Here are a few...
I am afraid that, deep down, I am a person who cannot be trusted.
I am afraid that I am unable to be honest or faithful.
I am afraid of having a loved one die in my arms.
I am afraid of giving myself cancer or some other fatal disease because I've lived too much of my life in self-hatred and obsession about things that don't matter.
I am afraid of being sterile.
I am afraid of my parents dying.
I am afraid of being assaulted/tortured/raped.
I am afraid of being discovered for the fraud I frequently believe I am.
I am afraid I am destined to make the same mistakes over and over, despite how much I may try to work out my issues through therapy, writing, and good old time.
Uffff. This is a bit of a depressing post. I will follow up with something more cheerful, perhaps a gratitude list, seeing as today is Thanksgiving.
3 comments:
It's very brave of you to write all that, but then your bravery is one of the things I like most about this blog.
I think it is only because you have achieved so that you have this anxiety of being "found out".
I'm sure I'm not the first person to tell you that you've worked hard for all these experiences and opportunities and that you deserve them.
As Rabbie Burns said "What great gitie the good Lord gie us, to see ourselves as others see us". x
Naming your fears diminishes their power. May none of your fears ever be realised. Peace & love, JP/deb
~Safia - Thanks, I take to heart what you say about deserving good things. I know this deep down, but it is nice to see it in writing as well. :)
~Jane Poe - Yes, amen to this!!
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