Is the number of posts I've written on this blog since it all began in April 2005. On the positive side, blogging is something I've been able to keep up with relative consistency and that I truly enjoy. On the not-so-positive side, blogging has cannibalized my private, hand-written journaling.
I've tried several times over the past years to resuscitate my journal, but to no avail. So while blogging has made me think more about the writing process and put more effort (sometimes!) into the finished piece than when I was just writing for myself, it has also led me to abandon the kind of truthful pouring out of words that private writing permits. I realize it's possible to make posts private, or to restrict access, or to even not publish and simply leave as a draft, forever suspended in the list of posts on the control panel.
For me, however, that doesn't work. When I sit down at the computer to write, it is with my public-writer hat on. Paper and pen are for private, personal thoughts. Obviously I've shared very intimate things on the blog on several occasions over the past 3-odd years, but I realize that there are whole experiences and thoughts and events that transpired in that same period whose detail has been effectively lost because I didn't manage to journal them.
I suppose that's how it goes - habits evolve and change, entailing both things lost and things gained. I have nearly a perfect daily record of my life from age 15 to age 23, and for that I am incredibly grateful. I realize how unique it is, and I am slowly transcribing the words on unlined paper, formed with colored inks and decorated with stickers and pasted ticket stubs and ribbons and other memorabilia, to my computer. It's an on-again-off-again project, but I intend to get back to it soon. I don't want to lose that history.
In the meantime, I will keep blogging, continue with my public, open writing that has led me to meet so many incredible people. It captures a different side of me, of the experiences I have, and this too is very valuable. Only 5 more years and I'll match my journaling record!