Lessons to Learn, Lessons to Pass On

This is a delicate post. I freely talk about my past with eating disorders - ranging from anorexia to bulimia to compulsive eating - but it is not easy. Today I was reminded of one of the main reasons why I talk about my past struggle, and my continuing struggle, as I firmly believe that I am in recovery, and I know that one of the first things to go when I am stressed is my "control" over eating.

Anyhow, it is always hard to see a friend struggling with a similar issue. It is, although difficult to see, a firm reminder of why I talk about what I went through. I think that, once someone has been to eating disorder hell and back, she (or he) likely has something to share with others who may be suffering with those same issues. I have a friend who is in the throes of this, and I want to help, if nothing else by talking about what I went through.

I hope she knows that it is possible to live a life where your worth is not determined by your body size or shape. I hope she knows that there is a plausible end to this hell that does not involve constant preoccupation with food and eating. I hope she knows she is beautiful and worth something better, something more gentle, something that will be sustainable for the rest of her life.

I also have to remind myself of the things I've written above. I am out of the super disordered behaviors on a regular basis, but this is still my greatest battle. Food, weight, body image...it is never-ending, always the first thing to crop up when I am stressed. I wish it were easier, both for me and for my friend who is in the midst of the real struggle, not just the interminable aftermath.

I hope she knows she is worth it...