Monday, December 10, 2007

What Lies Ahead

For some time now I have sensed that it is coming. It is just far enough away that I can't make out the details, yet close enough that my intuition is buzzing and the signs are becoming more frequent, less possible to ignore.

Change is waiting around the corner for me. Big change. New-life-chapter type of change.

On the surface, this may seem apparent. I have wedding plans for July 2008. Rico and I will soon be living together again in Maputo after multiple months of geographic separation. I am about to sign a 2-year contract to formalize my job at the banana empire.

Yet I sense in my bones that none of these already-anticipated life events are the big change I am intuiting. There is something else out there, something so powerful that the small signs I am already picking up on leave me dizzy and feeling as if I'm in a fog. Quite literally. Usually my path forward is quite clear. Right now, I can't even tell up from down.

Part of me is afraid to acknowledge what my intuition is screaming out. I am scared that this change will be painful, that it will rock my increasingly comfortable life and make me feel as if the floor has been pulled out from under my feet. Yet I am afraid that if I ignore the signs of this looming change, pretend that I don't feel something is ahead in my path, that the choice to remain stagnant will be even more painful.

Right now I feel like those animals that are able to sense an earthquake before it arrives. I know something significant and inevitable is in my future, but I don't know if the shaking ground will turn up a wealth of treasures or a pit of snakes.

Hell, I don't even know if the change is the metaphorical equivalent of an earthquake. For all I know I could be on the brink of winning the lottery.

12 comments:

Jo Ann v. said...

I so understand what you mean!
I feel a huge wind of change coming my way, all for the good, for 2008! Crossing fingers "it may happen" ;)
Have fun in Rio!

Preyanka.com said...

This is scary yet so exciting. I am going through a rough period of transition right now and feel totally lost, like the ground has been pulled away from underneath me. Hopefully your change will be wonderful!

Linda said...

Visualize it being good change-I'm sure it will be. Marriage is a huge change so get ready.

Monkey McWearingChaps said...

Best of luck with the change-I agree with linda. Visualise good.

I also think 2008 is going to be my year. Happiness is around the corner, I can smell it :-)

Captain Cat said...

Hey there,

Can you identify at all what this earthquake might be about? Sometimes we (I) like to remain in our (my) comfortable bubble and hope that whatever should really be happening to us just goes away, lest it knocks us off our feet. But it'll have to happen sooner or later and these things, I am convinced, happen for the best. You need to have courage to acknowledge them though. Not sure if any of this made sense. I really hope you can identify the source of all of this. Maybe you're a bit nervous because your life is going to change soon, but this change could be the best thing to ever happen to you! Anyway, keep us posted.
Take care. x

ターナー said...

The way of the world. Hope it all turns out for the best.

Amber said...

Awww, I get this! Sometimes it can feel horrible. The not knowing what you "know". Ugg.

I pray for you that it is something wonderful.

African Kelli said...

Oooh, I know that feeling well! Good for you Ale. Can't wait to read about all your future successes and adventures.

Anonymous said...

In the words of a cheesy song from the late 80's or early 90's "roll with it baby..." that cheesiness aside every time things change, it's supposed to herald and eventual good thing, even if sucks at first. uncertainty and change is good, it mixes things up and let's you reevaluate your life and the way the present way things are going fit into it. So roll on with the change....

of course 6 months from now you can tell me I was wrong when I get there, either way you still owe me a 2M for my aconselhio....

brendan said...

that was my comment above by the way

Ali la Loca said...

~Jo Ann - I can't wait to read about your 2008 adventures. Espero que seja só coisa boa!

~Preya - I know this feeling very, very well. I anticipate it coming up for me again...but who knows. I hope you get through your transition as smoothly as possible.

~Linda - I am working on the positive thinking. And yes, the part about marriage being a big change...you can say that again!!

~Monkey - Girl, I have a feeling 2008 is THE year for you, too.

~Captain Cat - Thank you for the wise advice. This is exactly what I am trying to do, as I know that whatever is in the cards for me will come sooner or later, no matter how hard I may try to run away.

~?? - Yes, definitely the way of the world. Inevitable, wonderful and tragic.

~Amber - Thanks for your good thoughts, friend.

~AfricanKelli - I hope I have wonderful things to share and write about!

~Brendan - Nice blast from the past! I will definitely hook you up with the 2M in exchange for conselhos. If they turn out to be bad conselhos, I will buy you a shot of nipa, local moonshine. They say it can make you crazy!

bart said...

ali,

whatever happens, don't ignore your intuition or your premontions... they are meaningful pointers at a moment you seem to have lost your way...

we all lose the plot at moments, we all are suddenly faced with the realisation that what interested/disturbed/moved/elated us might be subject to review... a difficult and perhaps painful process but one totally fulfilling if one is able to say goodbye to one's previous "life" in a meaningful way...

change is a fearful process, but the fear we generate whilst considering the changes themselves are more debilitating than the upheavals we will encounter... what we fear most, is fear itself because life and living is a system of encountering and accomodating resistances at all sides, in such a way we grow, we gain a lot, we lose much but in the end we become much better people...

sounds like a rant, more suitable for a personal email... my apologies, but i think you've touched on an issue that many people can relate to...

keep well, be good and hope to hear from you soon... my own blog is once again in a form of resurrection, abeit a little hesitantly at the moment...

bart