Sunday, April 01, 2007

Sunday Scribblings: Deepest, Darkest

The prompt "deepest, darkest" makes me think of secrets and fears.

I certainly have my fair share of both - secrets that cause me shame no matter how long ago they were born, and fears that are so awful I am afraid to even give them life on a page. Slowly I am getting to a point, though, where it is easier to face these shadow parts of myself. Therapy, writing, meditation, late night whispered heart-to-hearts with loved ones and the healing passage of time are my allies.

Still it can be overwhelmingly painful to sift through the sledge pile of secrets and fears. Many days I feel like quitting, just chucking the entire process out the window and never again bothering to analyze the beliefs, behaviors and events that led me into trouble in the past and have the potential, if continued, to lead me down the exact same path time and again until the lessons are learned.

I know, however, that the only way "deepest" and "darkest" will ever transform into something more illuminated is to continue facing these parts of myself head-on. With acceptance, secrets and fears cease to have power, a concept so beautifully illustrated each Sunday here.

9 comments:

Shades of Blue said...

And you know... it's like a circle, you get around to point A again, going through with less intensity and more insight. A therapist in Mozambique?

NuttersNotes said...

You are correct and very thoughtful in your analysis. Change requires tearing down and then building back up. It is easy to get caught in the down part. By what you so eloquently say here, you are on your way.

Safiya said...

I love Post Secret too. It makes me smile and gasp in equal measures. It's strange how so many people have the same secrets isn't it?

Back to your post. Personal change is hard, I think the hardest of all, but it's worth it.

Ali la Loca said...

~Shades of Blue - I agree, this kind of work is circular. I wish I had a therapist in Mozambique! I had a great one in Austin, and just have to remind myself of my sessions with her whenever I need some support.

~Nuttersnotes - It's all a process, for sure. Even though there are ruts along the way, it's gratifying to look back and see all that one has accomplished.

~Safiya - I've definitely seen some of my secrets up there! :) It's a great site and I love the kind of side projects it has inspired in schools, etc. As for personal change - totally worth it.

Alina said...

I love reading Post Secret cards. It gives me strength to face my own fears and disappointments. As for your own deepest, darkest fears, I only know a little about it. It is enough though to know you are doing great at handling them.

Jemima said...

You are far from alone, there's comfort in that, isn't there? I used to think I was insane, swallowed by the dark parts, now I have an internet and it's all fine :-)

(spring has sprung and gone to my head!)

Masd said...

Some fears live in hideouts that are very difficult to reach...somewhere in the dark and unknown abyss of our subconscious. It may take whole life to overcome certain fears but the fight is worthwhile.

Lacithecat said...

My dear ... that website was pretty freaky. It was looking at trainwrek!

Jane Poe (aka Deborah) said...

Beautifully stated ... to continue facing these parts of myself head-on. With acceptance, secrets and fears cease to have power ...that is so true, Ali. Knowledge is power. xo, JP