Pre-Travel Ramble

Phew! What a week. I am tired and overwhelmed in that unique pre-trip kind of way.

Most of the week has been spent organizing my jewelry inventory. While I am away, my friend L. will represent me in the Mother's Day fair so that I don't lose the sales opportunity. For this to work, I had to put a code on all the products I'm leaving her and make a special spreadsheet. (Yes, that implies that I already have a spreadsheet. I keep track of all my pieces, calculate the cost down to the bead, calculate the time I spend designing and creating, take note of the sales date, and calculate my profit margin. No doubt about it, I have a business mind AND an art mind!)

So once all the organizing and price-tagging was completed, I got to packing my suitcases. It's hard to pack for 2 months. I am a pro at getting things together for a short trip, but this actually took quite some planning and effort on my part.

I didn't feel like cooking so Rico and I ordered Steer's takeaway. He had a cheeseburger and I had a surprisingly good veggie burger with barbecue sauce.

It still hasn't hit me that I am leaving tomorrow afternoon. Part of me is excited. I will visit my friend Marcia in Joburg. She is taking me along to her salsa class at the gym if my plane isn't delayed. Then I am off to Rio, via São Paulo. There I will stay in the casa rosa for a week or so. We have big plans in the works for the house that will take much of my time. I also have to work on the banana business plan. The good part is that I get to meet my blog friend Jenna for the first time. I'm sure the time in Brasil will pass much too quickly.

I am really looking forward to seeing my friends, and especially my family. I am looking forward to my art classes in California. I cnat'wait to go shopping with my mom. I am excited about the prospect of doing next to nothing for 3 entire weeks at my dad's house in NM. It will be great. I anticipate this trip all year.

Still, despite all the good things I know will come in this trip, I feel overwhelmed and anxious. I never used to be afraid of traveling, flying in particular, but it seems with each year that passes I get more and more apprehensive about getting on the plane. I suppose it's because now, for the first time, I have internalized all the wonderful things in my life. I am starting to believe that they will not *poof* disappear tomorrow. And that makes me cling, makes me become attached to the people and things in my life that I love and am grateful for. I don't want to lose any of this, thus the lump in the back of my throat as I contemplate all of the hours that I will be in the air.

Part of me is also - somewhat ridiculously - really worried about all the crime in Brasil. It's always been bad, and I've always dealt with it okay, but recently it seems that violence has escalated in a way that reveals the lack of value on human life in that country, across the board. Nobody is immune. It is a kind of random violence that makes you truly accept ideas like impermanence, makes you breathe in a fresh gulp of air each morning and go about your day, knowing that there is no other way. It's simply not worth thinking about the "what if's" - one would just become paralized. I know there is nothing I can do but be street-smart, but again I feel that lump in my throat.

Speaking of violence, on Saturday night we went to eat dinner with Lies and Tracy at this new restaurant that serves Mozambican food. We were sitting on the patio; our food had just arrived. We were distracted, talking and eating and listening to the tables behind us chattering away. All of a sudden, a guy ran up to our table from the street, stuck his hand between Lies and Tracy, and grabbed Tracy's cell phone from the tabletop where it sat between the girls. Once we realized what had happened, I yelled "Ladrão!!!" at the top of my lungs, and Rico leapt over the patio railing and started running down the dark street after the guy. Tracy hopped the railing as well and ran after them, as did a friend who coincidentally was eating at the table next to us. We could hear Rico yelling "Pega!!" as they disappeared down the street.

Out of nowhere, people appeared in the streets and started running after the thief and the group of expats. After a few blocks, apparently, someone who heard Rico yelling out managed to get in front of the guy and intercept him. The phone was recuperated, though not before Tracy had to shell out 500 meticais (about 20 dollars) to reward the man who caught the theif mid-run.

The police were there, but they just stood by and let the crowd have their way with the phone snatcher, who was about 16 or 17 years old. The guy got a pretty severe beating, and though Rico, Tracy and our other friend were extremely conflicted about the situation, there was nothing to be done as getting in the midst of a violent crowd with the police already there doing nothing surely wasn't a smart move at that point. They walked back to the restaurant where Lies and I were waiting anxiously and told the entire story. I also felt conflicted after hearing everything...

To top off my overwhelming week, Dona Lídia, our maid that we share with Jenny, has been ill for a week. She hasn't been able to come to work. She went to the clinic and they said she has malaria, again. I gave her daughter some Malarone to take home, but apparently the medicine didn't do any good. Dona Lídia is still quite sick, and now seems to be getting worse. Jenny calls her every few days to see how she's doing, and the last update we had she said she's got diarrhea. She's been to see a nurse, but again it didn't do much.

Dona Lídia keeps insisting that she has malaria, but I honestly doubt it. She's mentioned to Jenny before that she's worried about HIV/AIDS, but doesn't want to have as she's afraid of receiving a positive result. I feel terrible about the entire situation, very guilty, as if it were somehow my responsibility to take her to a clinic, convince her to get a test, get her medicines, give her money, take care of her kids, buy her vitamins, and make her realize that life is valuable and you don't let fear get in the way of living!

It is not, however, my place do do most of these things. I am available for some on the list, but help only works if the other person wants to accept it. I feel like, until Dona Lídia changes her mind and wants to face the reality of her health situation - whatever that may be - it is difficult for me to intervene. One thing I'm certain about is that, in terms of my personal values and beliefs, I don't think it's right for me to judge her decision not to have an HIV test. I respect it, I wish her decision were different - maybe one day it will be - and I hope that this does not turn out in the same way Zeca's saga did.

Nonetheless, I feel guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty.

Okay. More on this subject later. For now, I wish to end on a brighter note as I'm going to travel tomorrow and this may be my last post for a couple of days until I get an internet connection.

In keeping with the vanity theme of the last few entries, here are some photos of my latest creations, complete with my short hair, which I am increasingly growing used to. Thanks for all of your nice compliments about the new 'do.

Have a great week!