Sunday, April 05, 2009

Desvio

It's been a week of reflection for me, a time for analyzing and re-analyzing the path I'm on, the steps I've taken thus far and where I believe I want to go in the future.

How does one distinguish between temporary feelings of frustration, discontent, boredom and cynicism - the unavoidable dips and lulls we experience in our jobs, relationships, friendships and vocations that we must work through and have faith that an upswing is around the corner, that it is simply part of the cycle - and recurrent streams of such feelings that signal the need for change, that are life's little clues that you are not, in fact, on the right path?

This is what I have been pondering lately, in particular with regard to my "job". This is not a new topic for me - I spent the better part of 2006 and early 2007 wondering whether I was a consultant with a writing and jewelry hobby, or whether I was a Writer and Artist who consulted to pay the bills. Ultimately, I came to the decision that it wasn't necessary to decide, that my identity didn't have to be either/or. For a while I found peace in this resolution.

However, these thoughts have flooded me again in the past several months. I feel it in my bones that a change is necessary. I wonder if I am wasting my time, despite the belief that all steps in a journey - no matter how random or misguided the may seem - are valuable and ultimately part of a greater picture. Still, I feel I am approaching the end of a chapter, without necessarily understanding all the details of where the story goes next.

5 comments:

nola said...

Excellent reflections.

I think feeling it in your bones and recurrently having the same doubts is a very good sign it's time to move on. When the peaks are so fewer than the valleys, it's time for a new path.

Mbini said...

Thats my daily struggle and like you I know that I am an artist with an economist title that pays the bills. I always use my kids as an excuse for getting deeper and deeper into my parents' dream about my life.

My parents wanted me to be exactly where I am. They are very proud I am doing what I am doing. And now I seem not to be able to be an artist anymore. All my passions are hobbies and my career is taking the centre stage.

Whilst it is not a bad career, I know I can be happier. The choice between being happy or right is not so easy.

Jo Ann v. said...

I think for sure, I picked writer to be "it". The thing is, it doesn't pay... yet ;-)
Hoping... hoping...
I know you love creating your jewelry... maybe you'd want to work on that ? :-)

Brandie said...

Totally know the feeling...if only there was a guide for that space between "I can feel a change in my bones" to "A change is here and this is me living it and loving it" :) good luck on the journey!

Anonymous said...

Ali

You know exactly what to do deep down. If not, you will.

Love,

Stefanie