I am back in Maputo, back to the familiarity of the dusty city streets and the neglected corners of our flat, back to the routine of consulting and lunching and TV in the evenings that I had grown accustomed to before leaving for Brazil last month. Everything is still largely the same, of course, but it feels somehow different. I feel different.
I find it incredible that getting married has provoked this change in perspective for me. In all other chapter-defining life events I've experienced thus far, I've been hit with the slight depression that comes from expecting you'll feel radically different, when in reality it's just another day and you're left wondering when - if ever - you'll feel the change sink in.
When I turned 21, I felt just the same as I did on day 364 of being 20. Graduating from college was a similar experience; people kept asking how it felt to have a diploma, and quite honestly it was just the same as before I could put any credentials next to my name. Same with getting my MBA. And though I desperately wished it weren't the case, I didn't even feel that different after getting engaged!
Something about marriage is different. Perhaps it is the name change, or the aftermath of the wedding-high, or maybe it is the culmination of the subtle shift in perspective and beliefs and actions I've noticed taking place over the last few months. Whatever the reason, or combination of reasons, I feel different, Maputo feels different, Rico feels different, family feels different, plans feel different.
I wish I were able to put the changes into words a bit more eloquently and accurately...
8 comments:
Welcome back and congrats on getting married!!
I was just reading this article that I thought you might be interested in: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/31/world/americas/31brazil.html?_r=1&em=&pagewanted=all
How is adjusting to being back in Mozambique going?
Welcome back and congratulations! You looked stunning in the rehearsal pics.
It is different. Being married makes everything different. :-)
I agree. Marriage is a totally different state. Maybe it's because someone you love loves you enough to make a lifetime commitment to you.
Congrats! We want pictures!!
I also felt different. In a good way. Maybe it comes from knowing that you have someone who really, really has your back...not that they didn't before, but it IS different somehow. A partner on a deeper level.
ox:)
Welcome back, congratulations on your wedding! I came upon your blog a few months ago, when I knew I was moving to Maputo. Nice writing, you express yourself well, which tells me that you will be just fine, even if everything feels changed :-)
~Brandie - Thank you, it's good to be back. Very interesting article - Brazil has been in the news right and left these days.
~Monkey - Thank you. It's my new favorite dress. I need to conjure up some cocktail parties so I have an excuse to wear it again.
~Girl from Moz - Very different, in a very good day.
~Linda - It is a huge committment, such a cool feeling.
~Amber - I have photos, but they aren't in file format - they are on the photographer's webpage with a password. Email me and I'll send it to you if you want to check them out. Otherwise, I'll have the files in september.
~Eva - Glad you found the blog helpful. I feel different for sure, but it is a very pleasant change. :)
i think marriage changes your perspective because even when living together marriage changes you from two people who love to chill and love one another to: us, we, together. now you're trials and joy are faced with someone completely by your side.
hope to see some wedding pics!
xoxo
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