I'm okay being alone, and even cherish it. I need my space and private time to be a happy person.
But I miss Ricardo. He's been away for just over a week, already, and I feel his absence here in the house, in our life.
I also miss my family. And friends.
I feel like this most of the time, but never take the time to explicitly say it.
Living abroad seems to be the way my life will go; I am satisfied and excited with the situation I currently have, but it doesn't change the fact that I always long for those I have left behind.
I especially miss my parents. Some days I wonder if I am crazy spending all this time away, despite what I feel is my "life path". Two of the few people in this world that truly, unconditionally love me - and vice versa - and here I am half a world away. It's not like any of us are getting any younger...am I out of my mind to be so far from my mom and dad?
I guess not, because I am really happy here and don't know if I would be were I living in the US in a different situation right now. Not that we couldn't be happy in the US...but at the moment, we've got a unique and good situation here in Moz that isn't very sustainable in other, more developed economies.
Meh.
Perhaps this saudades is brought on by the fact that I dreamt in vivid detail of a terrorist attack on the US last night. Damn subconscious.
11 comments:
I don't think you're crazy in leaving your home to pursue your dreams. Hopefully you have the support (as well as love) of your parents behind you. I took some time to consider teaching abroad in Japan, but my life took a different path I am equally happy with. As long as you are happy! :)
Oh man - I hate dreams like that. I had a lot of the last couple of weeks and I woke every night at 3:15.
But dreams are dreams ... thankfully (and I would have no idea how otherwise to live then the way we do)
It's not crazy, it is just a choice. While we love our parents, we do have our own lives that we are responsible of, we are the ones supposed to make them happy and live them in a fulfilling way.
It is hard though, not seeing your parents as much as you'd need to.
Saudades.I wondered for the meaning of this word then I searched the net and found it but still not sure about its meaning.Is it like nostalgia?
they tell me the crazier our dreams are, the more likely it is we're processing all the stressors and not internalizing them. as if that's really a consolation when you wake up in a cold sweat!
i'm looking forward to hearing about the exciting proposal!
and i talked with ricardo...he's really nice...i guess i need to drop you an email instead of filling up your comments, huh?? :)
bjs
Hi there,
I happened upon your blog on Technorati. I admire your wandering spirit and can relate to a lot of what you say about traveling, needing alone time, yet missing friends and family. Looking forward to reading more of your blog:)
~Abzdragon - I do definitely have the support and love of my parents...and that makes me miss them more!
~Lacithecat - I have tons of really vivid dreams, some good, others quite frightening. I remember them every single night.
~Alina - Very true. I just wish it weren't 36 hours and at least $2,000 for me to go home for a visit!
~Masd - Saudades is portuguese and is a bit tricky to directly translate in english. It is like nostalgia, missing, longing for someone/someplace/something. It's a wonderful word for what I feel.
~Jenna - Well, that's some comfort! I'm glad you talked to Rico, and hope he has solutions to offer regarding the apartment runaround. Boa sorte!
~Preya - I'm glad you ran across my blog! I saw your other comment and got goosebumps imagining the details of your cockroach story!
I really understand how you feel, as Mr Outlines has got the job of his dreams (yippee) but it means he going to be away in the week until I get a job in the same location and get everything sorted here.... but I miss him so much when he's away.
As Alina says, we have to make choices and when you choose one option, you lose another.
Do you ever have visions of things?
When you're awake and something that hasn't happened pops into your head and it's so vivid, it's like it has or it's going to. Does that sound strange?
~Safiya - I do have visions, unfortunately they are nearly 100% of horrible things happening to the people I love. I am even reluctant to talk about this aspect of myself, that I constantly imagine these terrible fates for myself and others, as if by just recognizing it I'd somehow give the visions validity and life.
They are quite realistic, though, and sometimes I wonder if they aren't premonitions of some sort. I'll think of things like someone breaking into the house, an assault on the bus, being shot in the middle of the street, car accidents, plane crashes...you get the idea. All in supremely vivid detail.
They must be so proud to have raised a girl who's so brave. And miss you like hell too. Hugs and admiration from me X
He, Ali, as always, well, you say it all. Anyway, Saidera in Maputo this weekend! I need someone to discuss season 5 of 24... Is Rico back?
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