Who went to the gym 5 out of 5 days last week?
Damn straight! Since Rico's birthday on Monday we have paid our dues at the rooftop exercise club at Hotel Avenida for at least an hour every day. I even made it despite my cold, which I am super proud of because being sick is such a convenient excuse to avoid the gym.
Today is our day off. We have enjoyed a lazy Saturday of internet and good food. I made a Thai curry with coconut milk for lunch, and for dessert we had big slices of carrot cake with chocolate frosting that I made a couple days ago. And since we are now officially working out 6 days a week, there is not a guilty conscience to be found in the flat.
In other news...
Last night we went out with Nana and some of her friends to the Clube Naval and had a VERY STRANGE night (keep in mind as you read this that the Clube Naval is one of the most upscale bars in Maputo). To start with Rico was the only guy among 6 women, but trooper that he is he managed to enjoy the evening despite the gossip and makeup runs to the bathroom. We arrived at the Clube Naval expecting something similar to the last time I went out with Nana - a bar full of loud techno-y music and a hip multi-cultural crowd. Boy were we wrong! Apparently it was some nutso Portuguese girl's birthday and the entire evening at the Clube Naval was catered to her celebration. First there was a karoke showcase where the birthday girl sang 5 or 6 songs in a terrible drunken and off-key voice, the highlight being when she decided to stand on top of the bar and belt out "It's Raining Men."
When the girl finally stopped with the karoke, we were presented with the *real* treat of the evening - FEMALE AND MALE STRIPPERS. I kid you not. Out from behind a closed door emerged a redhead that Rico and I debated for several minutes as to whether it was an ugly and overly made-up woman or a drag queen. Our argument came to an abrupt end when the stripper started a choreographed dance routine, pulled off her wrap dress and underwear, dropped to the ground and showed off an assortment of tricks with ice and a family-size bottle of hand lotion. No doubt about it, we were dealing with a woman. A strange-looking Afrikaner woman with orange-red hair and a C-section scar, but a woman nonetheless.
Then came the male stripper, a tall bald South African with a leopard print cowboy hat, black mesh pants with rows of gold sequins at the bottom, and a red silk g-string underneath the whole thing. Thankfully he didn't bare all like his female counterpart, but he did put on quite the show. Priceless moment number one came when the stripper lifted one of Nana's friends out of her chair, laid her down on the stage, and proceeded to use her as a "prop" for several bumps and grinds in the routine.
Priceless moment number two came when the guy lifted up the crazy Portuguese birthday girl over his shoulder and started to spin around. The girl was so drunk that with each spin she would clamp her hand over her mouth and hold back a stream of vomit. After a couple of twirls, the stripper sat the birthday girl down in a chair with plans to give her a sort of lap dance. Unfortunately, the girl was so trashed that she fell off the chair before the guy could get his moves on, and her friends had to come scoop her off the floor and drag her to the bathroom.
Priceless moment number three came after the show when the male stripper (in a new set of clothes, thank God) decided that he'd like to hang around the bar and make some new friends. He sat briefly at our table and chatted up some of Nana's friends, then moved on to another group of people to have a drink and shoot the shit, never mind the fact that just minutes before he'd been dancing around in a g-string.
Needless to say, a double gin and tonic was more than necessary to take in the night's events.
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