I have been a wreck lately and I blame it all, 100%, on the mattress Rico and I sleep on every night. I think even a mattress you'd find discarded and full of stains in a back alley would likely be more comfortable. At this point, I'd even be willing to try it out and see for myself.
Besides being a cheap import from South Africa's bargain basement of rejects that end up as classy products hawked in Mozambique, the mattress has a freakin' crater in the middle where I imagine at some point long, long ago there were springs. Now there is just a big, empty void that you automatically roll into when you lie on the mattress.
Not so bad if you sleep alone. You can sort of huddle up in the slump and pretend you are sleeping in a hammock. But let me tell you, when you try and share the bed with another person, things just go downhill. Literally. Rico and I each end up at a 30-degree angle, sort of forming a V with our bodies as one half sinks towards the middle and the other is propped up by the only functional springs that still remain in the mattress. The good springs, of course, nearly poke through the fabric and if you're not careful about how you turn and wiggle about at night, you get the nasty surprise of a spring in the forehead, a spring in the hip...you get the idea.
We seem to have reached a critical point in our mattress' life-cycle where each passing day represents a significant deterioration in structure. For months, the mattress was bad but bearable. Just a little dip in the middle, nothing to really complain about. But now, this is just insane. At this rate, by next week the crater will be so deep that our butts will sink to the floor when we lie down at night.
Our bed reminds me of going camping and pitching your tent in a spot that looked flat when I started, but when you try and sleep you find out that the ground is actually on quite an incline. The springs that prod you in the night are just like those rocks you were too lazy to dig out before putting up the tent. The slope of the mattress, if you choose the wrong position to sleep in, is just like deciding to lie down with your head near the tent door, only to find out the next day that you spent 8 hours with your head below your heart and nearly faint when you try to stand up in the morning.
Did I mention my BACK HURTS?? I already have back problems, but this is just out of control. Last night it got so bad that after trying to be zen and accept the 30-degree incline, not fight it, I decided that I could no longer deal with the mattress. At 3am I rolled out my yoga mat on the hardwood floor, grabbed a pillow and sheet, and tried to make the best of it. The yoga mat was actually much more comfortable, but I got cold after a while and kept being paranoid about spiders and scorpions crawling over me during the night. So at around 7am, I climbed back up into the crater.
It's now 11am, I just woke up, and I am in a beautiful mood after a good night's rest.
Oh, hold on. What's this I feel? Allergies coming on? Allergies? Today? Awesome! Just the thing I need to complement the shooting pains in my back.
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