Termites are Eating the Electric Meter!

Stupid, stupid bureaucracy. It's impossible to get even the simplest thing accomplished without waiting in a huge line, filling out at least 2 forms, and wanting to pull your hair out from the total lack of customer service in this country. For all the bitching I do about the US, damn do I miss being able to call a 1-800 number and resolve everything from the comfort of my own home.

The task at hand right now, admittedly, is not the easiest. The wooden board that holds the various dials of the electric meter for our house is full of termites. It's slowly being chewed to pieces and the meter reader has to check the dials each month with the precison of a surgeon as to not knock anything loose. We need to replace the board, a problem I've been working on for the last 2 months.

First of all, the electric company here, Light, is not taking any responsibility whatsoever for the situation. Okay, the didn't put the termites in there, but they sure as hell installed the original board, so in my head that means they should install a new one whenever necessary. But, no, that would just be too easy.

Instead, after 4 unsuccessful calls to the "customer service" hotline, I decided to go to the Light substation downtown and figure things out in person. The waiting room was one of the more disgusting things I've seen lately: teal fabric chairs linked at the arms, all soiled with massive, salty sweat stains, hardened nuggets of chewing gum, and other disturbingly unrecognizable brown smears. I perched on the edge of one of the chairs, willing the "this number now being served" counter in the corner to turn faster. At least it was air conditioned in there.

So after explaining the situation to an amused employee, the process I have to go through to get the stupid termite-ridden board switched out is the following:

1. Call an independent electrician and get an estimate. Fill out a form with the electrician's credentials and contact information. Turn in the form to Light to get an authorization stamp (i.e. wait in another nasty line).

2. Pending Light's authorization, schedule a visit for one of the technicians to remove the seal from the meter.

3. Purchase the appropriate pre-fabricated electric meter board from a construction shop.

4. Send a written request to Light to have the electricity temporarily disconnected on the day of the big switch. Call the electrician and schedule the service for the same day. Hopefully the lights will go out and the workman will show up as planned. Highly, highly doubtful, but whatever.

5. Once the board has been switched, call the 1-800 emergency number and ask to have the electricity turned back on. Should take less than 24 hours.

6. Schedule another visit with Light so that a technician can come reseal the meter, lest we mess with the dials and steal electricity.

7. Call someone to spray for termites.

8. Sigh. Repeat the above sequence at least once. Struggle to keep my vocabulary clean as I talk to a customer service representative for the 100th time. Contemplate life without electricity in the house...it wouldn't be *that* bad, right???