Okay, I admit it...I'm afraid

Countdown: 22 days to Rio, 48 days to Mozambique.

Number of days I'll actually still be in Austin: 18.

This figure has me slightly panicked, I'm going to be honest here. People ask me all the time these days, "Aren't you scared?" Not really, not of the things you automatically think of. Usually this question refers to one of the following:

a) Coming down with Ebola, Malaria, Schistosomiasis, Dengue, Typhoid Fever, or any other weird parasite you get from simply setting foot outside the US.

b) The possibility of civil unrest, guerilla warfare, or being kidnapped.

c) The perception that I'll be living in squallor, eating unsanitary foods, and taking cold showers with a garden hose and a bucket.

Obviously I have strong motivations not to have any of the above happen. I've done my research (no significant civil unrest in Mozambique since 1992), taken my vaccines (4 shots and emergency treatment for malaria), and experienced my share of freezing cold showers (thanks, Brasil, you're the best).

But I am afraid.

I'm afraid of taking my cat Azul on a plane next weekend to live with my mom in the Bay area. What if I can't get her to take the 1/4 Benadryl capsule the vet prescribed? What if she yowls the entire flight?

I'm afraid of packing my portion of the 28' moving truck improperly and having my things break on the way out to California. Worse yet, what if all my stuff doesn't fit in the 6 linear feet of truck space I've purchased?

I'm afraid of packing the wrong things in my suitcase, or forgetting something crucial. It's so hard to anticipate what you will really need and not have access to in a new country. So far I am stocking up on contact solution, tampons, multivitamins, Burt's Bees skin products, rollerball pens, Splenda, books, and good music. What if there's something I don't think of?

I'm afraid of my layover in Maputo. I have to spend a night in Mozambique's capital because the flight to Chimoio (my future home) only leaves in the early morning, and I arrive in Maputo from Johannesburg around 4pm. Where will I stay the night? How do I find a decent hotel? Are there decent hotels?? What will I do for dinner? I absolutely *hate* eating alone, I'd rather go without a meal. I dread feeling like a totally lost outsider.

I'm afraid of putting DEET repellent on my skin for an entire year. I'm afraid of side effects if I end up taking malaria pills.

I'm afraid some crucial detail will fall through at the last minute and none of my plans will work out. I am counting on so many people, so many promises.

I must admit, though, that despite these and *many* other fears it feels almost indescribably good to just LET GO. There are very few things that actually tie me down at this point in my life - basically work and Azul - and in less than 3 weeks I'm going to leave those behind, too.

What a great chance to start fresh.