Friends, I have been busy lately. I don't think I've worked this hard since my first two projects upon moving to Mozambique: the Input Supply Sector Study and the Tea Processing Plant grant application. Back then I was idealistic and eager to prove myself to my colleagues. Then I saw how everything here worked - people late on deadlines, expat consultants making $700/day to do some bullshit spreadsheet, corruption, donor funds having shamefully little accountability, incompetent people in desperately important positions - I could go on all day.
Yes, there are many hopeful aspects of Mozambique that I notice as well, but unfortunately I got hit with the cynicysm bomb. Hard. Getting an eyeful of reality through this not-so-rosy lens had a huge impact on my work. I felt it happening bit by bit, the laziness creeping in, being content with an 80% effort because it was better than most of the other work being done out there. I became complacent, but as much as I could see what was happening, the shame of not doing my best was never quite enough to provoke a change in attitude.
The change in my work effort this past week isn't, unfortunately, because I've suddenly been injected with hope. Instead, it's because I've been subcontracted by a local consulting firm to do a 5-day strategic planning workshop with a new NGO that wants to support artisans and the development of the art sector in Mozambique. Obviously the scope of this project is interesting to me for personal reasons, but that's not actually why I've been working so hard. It's because, once again, I feel the need to prove myself as a competent consultant.
When I first arrived in Moz, BL and Ricardo were the audience for my efforts to impress. Now they know my work and I feel no need to play that game anymore; I am confident in my abilities, as are they. But now there is a new audience, the partners (all male) in the firm that has hired me. They have a very different approach to projects than I tend to have, and I must work within their guidelines. So this week has seen me pouring over all the analytical tools and matrices that an MBA is supposed to live and die by, learning about the Balanced Scorecard approach to strategic management (another one essential to any self-respecting MBA, but that I completely missed out on in school and thus must teach myself), and creating Power Point slides until my fingers are cramped. I was talking to my mom on Skype last night, telling her how much I was working, and she referenced some book called "Death by Power Point." Genius. I must find this book.
In other news, the boys are doing well and we've avoided any "accidents" this week.
Yesterday was Valentine's Day and, though we worked for the better part of the evening, we had a nice dinner at home to celebrate. I made a huge veggie lasagna, Rico surprised me with a piece of cheesecake from Mundo's, and we had some $4 white wine that was actually not half bad. Rico also smothered me in presents - 4 different potted plants and a gorgeous spice rack that is filled with yummy new inspirations for my cooking.
Alas, I must get back to my workshop preparation. Sigh. The slow, painful Death continues.
4 comments:
Good luck with the project, Ali. It is great when you find new ways to focus your efforts. And I am really glad you guys managed to squeeze a Valentine's Day celebration in your busy schedule.
As a graduate from business school in the 1980's, I am so far behind when it comes to the new ideas of the MBA's who are running corporate America these days! Good luck with your project. It sounds interesting, even if you are bogged down in Power Point.
I hate to sound cheesy but I am so impressed by you. Frankly, you may not have the documentation but it sounds like you have the competence of someone with an MBA. Good luck with the project. I hope this new team recognizes your value and appreciates all that you bring to the group.
~Alina - I just wish I was focusing my efforts for better reasons than self-doubt and a need for recognition. Sigh. At least I'm getting in some good work.
~Alphawoman - I know what you mean. I got my degree in 2003 and even so didn't get exposed to all this fancy-schmancy methodology. Granted, I didn't go to a big name school and part of me really hated what I was studying...but nonetheless, it sucks feeling like you are behind the curve for whatever reason.
~Kristine - Thanks so much for this. I need some cheerleaders right about now, even though you obviously have no idea of the caliber of my work.
Funny thing is, I *do* have an MBA. I just have a love-hate relationship with business school, and actually consulting with these firms is (in my opinion) like an extension of school. It's all about using specific formulas, slides and tools to get answers, while I prefer to look at things through different, more flexible lenses.
As a result, when I was in business school, a lot of what I was learning seemed boring and useless -- in one ear and out the other. I thought I'd never work in business, and only retained what information I thought was interesting and pertinent to my life.
Thus far, it's been okay and I know I do good work. But then I get in with a traditional consulting firm like this one and I suddenly feel very, very inadequate.
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