Monday, September 14, 2009

A New Chance

What a strange day. Busy. A little crazy. Full of procrastination, even though this is the home stretch.

In the morning I went to pick up some checks from translation work I did for a local University, then spent over an hour at the bank trying to cash said checks. Nothing was wrong, it was just a slooooooow process.

I came home, ate some delicious mexican lasagna leftovers from my moment of culinary inspiration last night, then got to work. I have many things pending:

- Maize Mills Business Plan and Feasibility Study
- Translating University's web site text
- Translating project documents from a Malaria Project
- About 12 outstanding custom jewelry orders

And, of course, packing. And socializing. And lounging in the sun.

Despite all that's going on (today is 8 days to Cali), my day was totally overshadowed by an email from someone who was part of my life 10 years ago. A lot of water is under that bridge, but suffice to say this person was once very close to me and that things ended on a particularly sour, hurtful note.

Over 2 years ago, in June 2007, on a late night up alone while visiting my Dad, I was struck with the desire to write an email to this person. All I wanted to do was come clean, apologize for the not insignificant part I played in the disastrous end to the relationship. I wrote for over an hour, spelling out all of the words and actions I regretted, trying to convey my most sincere apologies even though so much time had passed.

I sent that fateful email, and never heard back. At first I was anxious, hoping for a response, but then after a few months I let it go. Recognition of my olive branch would have been nice, but at the end of the day the cathartic process of writing out my regrets, accepting them, and forgiving myself was much more important.

Today I received an unexpected email from this person from my past. I couldn't believe it. (S)he asked if I had time to chat, that (s)he was plagued by a sense of guilt and ingratitude regarding the period when we were part of each other's lives. I was blown away.

I gathered the courage to ask if (s)he'd received my message over two years ago. (S)he said no. So I resent it, knowing for sure that this time, my apology will be read. I admit, I'm beside myself with nerves wondering what this person's response will be, but I'm trying to remind myself that the truly important part of this exercise has already passed - forgiveness of self for decisions and actions past. The fact that I had the opportunity to make sure this person receives my apology is simply icing on the cake.

5 comments:

Jo Ann v. said...

You always have second chances if it's meant to be :-)

Brandie said...

I love the opps when you get to clear the air on the past and start anew with someone. Good luck with this!

nola said...

There must be something in the stars - I've been in touch with people from my past as well - and there's been not insignificant humility in this.

Interesting, isn't it?

Marcia said...

8 days??? Can't believe how time has flown.

Are we going to see you before you jet off to Cali?

laundrygirl said...

Sounds like so much healing and transformation taking place. I can't believe you'll be in California in a few short days...