Yesterday was such a hard day. Rico and I are both completely devastated by the loss of Parceiro, and we've been struggling with intense waves of grief.
Friends poured in as they heard the news. Jenny and Paco brought us flowers and chocolates and beer. Lindsey brought beer and food. Kelly and Marcos brought a beaded wire angel for us to remember our boy (which Pria immediately batted off the table and began chasing around the living room). Sheila and Deepak brought sandwiches and cookies from Nautilus, and more beer. It was actually really nice to be in the company of so many people, especially since they are all animal lovers and a couple knew Parceiro pretty well.
Rico had an especially tough night. He talked in his sleep nonstop, and kept repeating scenes aloud from the vet, or as if he were talking to Parceiro. At one point he even slapped my face (in his sleep, mind you), as if trying to wake me up, and kept repeating "hang on! hang on!".
The thing I am struggling the most with at this point, beyond the sheer sadness of not having our boy around, is guilt. I know it's not helpful to beat one's self up over the past, over things that cannot be changed. Still, I keep thinking about the last few weeks. Parceiro was already on his C/D diet, and seemed to be his regular playful, sweet self. He was eating and drinking, and didn't appear to be sick. However, I saw him a couple of times straining to pee while in the litter box, lingering in there much longer than normal. I just assumed that he was peeing okay, albeit with some difficulty, and that the prescription food would do the trick. He was also licking himself a lot, but I just figured it was part of the process. My warning sign that would trigger a trip to the vet was when Parceiro would pee outside the box. Since he hadn't gone outside the box, I thought we were okay.
I know now how horribly wrong I was. I wish I'd taken him to the vet sooner. I wish we'd known about Dr. Isabel and Dr. Sergio earlier, so that perhaps we would have understood better Parceiro's condition and whether it was serious a few weeks ago, and if there was something that could have been done. It kills me to think that I was in some way negligent, ignoring the cries for help from our boy.
He's gone now, and in a better place, and I just have to keep thinking about that. Last night Rico and I imagined Parceiro in a world filled with fleece blankets and packaged cat treats. The land of fleece and junk.
I miss him so much. I know with time this will get easier, but right now I am completely overwhelmed by our loss.