A Ring, A Retch and a Resolve to Feel It All

It’s been a while since my last post. I’ve rationalized this absence by telling myself that I’ve been on blog holiday, but really it’s because I’ve felt overwhelmed lately. Overwhelmed in a good way, mostly, but I’ll admit it’s been a mixed bag. In the last month I’ve battled cynicism in my professional life, considered a major career change, had a resurgence in allergy attacks, Ricardo came back from Brasil, I got engaged, spent the holidays with my fiancée but far from the rest of my family, went on a road trip to South Africa, came back to Maputo and realized that real life – and a series of uncertainties – lie ahead and must be dealt with, one way or another.

So much has been happening that I don’t know where to start writing (or e-mailing for that matter – I’m dreadfully behind in responding to the messages in my inbox, and the last group e-mail I sent to friends and family was at least 9 months ago). Not only is there a lot to tell, sometimes it all gets to be so overwhelming that I start to have out-of-body type reactions and then, strangely, cease to feel anything. No excitement, no frustration, no anticipation…almost numb.

It’s as if I’m living out a story that I’ve seen time and time again. I know what will happen, I know each step of the plot and anticipate each twist and turn without surprise. It’s almost like déjà vu, my life a second time around only without the emotion and thrill of the original. It seems ridiculous to me that I could have such out-of-body moments given the adventure and newness of a lot of the major parts of my life right now.

I think the worst bit was right after Ricardo proposed to me. I’d be elated for a couple of hours, then sort of switch off. Then something would happen at work to really press my buttons and I’d want to pull out my hair, only to be “above it all” the next minute. The road trip to South Africa helped a lot, and I’ve felt much more grounded and like the real-time protagonist in my own life again since returning.

So all of this to say that I’ve got a lot to share, but have relieved myself of the pressure of having to capture every last bit in writing. Just feeling and concentrating on being in the moment is my main task right now. But I do have a few updates. J

First, thank you all so much for your lovely comments after I posted that Ricardo proposed to me. I promised more details, so here they are!

Ricardo arrived in Maputo on the afternoon of December 17th. I met him at the airport and after a lovely hello kiss we headed to my friend Jenny’s house for a special seafood lunch (suitcases and all!). It was a big day – not only was Ricardo arriving (and all my girlfriends meeting him for the first time after months of hearing me go on about my carioca), our friend Lacithecat was leaving Maputo after 3 months in Mozambique as a volunteer consultant for a local organization. We had a great time at the lunch and indulged in Jenny’s delicious cooking – clams, coconut rice, prawns, tabouli and a gigantic chocolate coconut cake for dessert. After all the food we could handle and a couple of cold beers for good measure, Ricardo and I left to go back to our flat.

Once upstairs Rico started unpacking his suitcase to show me all the goodies he and his family had bought for me. I got a beautiful black sundress from Rico’s that he got at his aunt’s store (she is a very successful fashion designer in Rio), some yummy natural shampoo and conditioner from Rico’s mom and grandma, and a big shipment of beads that I’d ordered online and sent to my dad in New Mexico, who in turn shipped them down to Ricardo in Brasil. Obviously I had a lot of exciting things to look through. Rico put all of my presents on the table in the living room and, as I had my head down going through all of the lovely things, he came behind me and gave me a hug. I looked up from the table and saw his hands in front of me holding a small black box. He opened it to reveal two beautiful wedding bands.

I turned around to face Rico and he said, “You’re already the woman of my life, but I want it to be forever. Will you marry me?”

Of course I said yes and gave him a huge hug and kiss. He slid the ring on my finger (it’s a little big – needs to be adjusted once we are in Rio) and put his on as well. The rings are so cool! Both are quite simple, but very modern looking. They are dual-tone, with half the band in yellow gold and the other half in white gold. The white gold half ends in an arrow point just off center. On my ring there is a small diamond in the white gold part, just before it tapers off into the yellow gold. I love it!

Rico and I got on the phone and called my dad, my mom, my grandmother, his mom, his dad, Beth (the woman who takes care of our house in Rio) and our close friends here in Maputo. After announcing the big news, we went out for dinner at Costa do Sol, the restaurant on the coast where I had my first meal in Mozambique and where my relationship with Rico began.

After several anniversary and birthday dinners celebrated there, we’ve gotten to know the manager of Costa do Sol. Every time we go to the restaurant, Sérgio comes to our table to greet us and we simply tell him that our meal is in his hands. He never disappoints. Our engagement dinner was a huge platter of grilled crayfish, shrimp, squid, and (of course) french fries. We had a bottle of white wine with dinner, then some port for dessert, then shared some shots of Amarula and some strawberry liqueur with Sérgio. We went back home lovestruck, slightly tipsy, and full of the Indian Ocean’s best. Once at our flat we enjoyed another bottle of white wine and spent the rest of the evening listening to music on my iPod in the living room. I even got Rico to sway with me to a few of the slow songs, no small feat for a man who is one of approximately 156 known brasilians that do.not.dance. All in all, a wonderful night.

So I went into the detail of our engagement evening (well – not *all* of the details, but my grandmother reads this blog for heaven’s sake!) to set the context for a very funny story. Thinking about it now, perhaps this isn’t the best story to share given that Grammy reads this occasionally, as do my parents, and Rico’s mom and grandmother, and several of my other relatives… Oh well. At the risk of tarnishing my reputation, this is what happened the day after our engagement.

Rico and I woke up around noon still glowing from our big news but also quite tired and, in my case, super hung over. Not surprising considering how much we ate and drank the night before, but it’s rare for me to feel quite so sick. We managed to get ourselves out of bed and met my girlfriends for lunch at a Japanese restaurant before Lacithecat’s flight home that afternoon. The entire time in the taxi on the way downtown I felt super sick to my stomach. Seeing sashimi and smelling all of the soy sauce at the restaurant made me feel even greener. I declined to eat anything and just sipped on a coke. I showed off my ring to the girls and told them the entire story. Before long Lacithecat had to leave to catch her plane, and Rico and I were off to FAO to pick up a check for the current contract we are working on.

Once at FAO, we had to sit in the accountant’s office for about 10 minutes while she searched around for our check and then for the appropriate person to sign it. To me it felt more like an hour. My stomach was doing flip-flops and I was dizzy. I’m not one to get sick often, and I know infallibly when a wave of nausea means business. The women’s bathroom at FAO is in an entirely different section of the building from the accountant’s office – through several sets of doors that must be opened with a staff security card – and I knew I’d never make it in time if I had to hurl. I closed my eyes and breathed, praying not to be sick right then and there. Rico stroked my hand and whispered encouraging words. Mercifully the accountant came back just as I thought I was going to have to make use of her potted fig tree. I put the check in my purse, grabbed Rico’s hand and dashed out of the building as quickly as my high heels would allow.

I’d hoped a bit of fresh air would make me feel better, but it was so hot and humid that it was absolutely no relief. I sat on a small wall in front of the building and tried to take deep breaths as we waited for our taxi to arrive. It was to no avail. I felt my heartbeat quicken, my palms broke out in a clammy sweat, and I started gagging. “Rico!” I managed to call out, “I’m going to throw up!!” With fabulous style and grace, I proceeded to vomit in the street right in front of FAO, to the delight of the building’s security guards, the receptionist, and our taxi driver who pitched up just as I started round two of being sick. It must have been quite the sight. Rico proved that he’s a wonderful fiancée and held my hair back and helped me clean the spatter off my dress *before* he started laughing uncontrollably. I do admit I joined in the laughter, despite the temptation to succumb to a huge wave of shame and hide for the rest of the month.

There’s nothing like a good vomit (amazing how you feel instantly better, no?), and I took extra enjoyment in the irony of the situation. Of all the places I could have gotten ill it turned out to be in front of FAO, one of the main NGOs involved in development work in Mozambique and around the world, the perfect embodiment of what is behind my terrible cynicism as of late. Regardless, it was a funny end to a perfect engagement story – and a good reminder not to mix wine, port and Amarula ever again! J

So there you go. Two stories for the price of one. In my next post I do promise pictures and tales from our road trip to South Africa. All I need is a little patience and some cooperation from blogger, and you’ll be able to share in our holiday fun.

I hope you are all well and that 2007 brings peace and fulfilment.