Why Am I So Happy?

Two years ago I thought my life was complete. I seemed to have everything in the palm of my hand, packaged up in pretty paper and ready to be unwrapped at my leisure. I had the relationship, the degree, the career plans, the friends, the image.

But, as tends to happen when things are going well, life threw me a giant curve ball. Seemingly overnight, every aspect of the perfect life I'd relished had gone down the drain. I was left with a relationship in shambles, living in a new city with no friends, waiting tables to pay the bills. I was more miserable that I could have ever imagined, and I only had myself to blame.

Looking back, I made choices that I deeply regret. I ignored red flags that I wish I'd had the courage to confront. I allowed other people to determine what was best for me, coming frighteningly close to shutting out that little voice that has always guided me. But I also realized that if I didn't do the hard work necessary to turn things around, similar downfalls would haunt me for the rest of my life.

I spent a good year in therapy, learning to forgive myself and others. I clung to family and friends. I dedicated hours every night to writing, Azul curled up on my lap. I found a job that reminded me of what being down on your luck truly means. More than anything I vowed to follow my instinct and seek out that which I knew would make me happy in the end.

Fast forward to June 2005. I have followed my heart, let intuition guide me to the most remote place I've ever been. My current state of bliss stems from the following:

Once again I feel my life is complete, only this time it is according to my own terms. It's all coming together perfectly: the job, the sense of adventure, the relationship, and the feeling in my gut that THIS IS IT. I know what is at stake here. I know how much it hurts when the floor drops out from underneath you. I know nothing is guaranteed. But I'm willing to try again. The potential rewards are stunningly worth the risk.